How To Win
Your World?
Hand Book of a Smart Man
By

Saumitra Mohan
Saumitra Mohan
Dedication
To
all the small-time people with big-time dreams.
Acknowledgements

There are so many people I wish to thank for having inspired me into writing this book. I am really thankful, first of all, to Sri Vijoy Sinha, a person who has been more than a mentor to me and whose unconventional and unorthodox ideas have always inspired my thinking. I also wish to thank my father, who through his thoughts and his ways of bringing me up in my salad days has left a lasting imprint on my psyche. I also wish to thank my other family members, colleagues and friends as my multi-layered and multi-dimensional interactions with them have also shaped my attitude and approach to life, both negatively and positively.

Last but not the least, I wish to thank my dear wife Shweta who has been my ‘Muse’ right since our marriage and has been a party to all my trials and tribulations since then. Without her moral support, I would not be what I am today. She completes me together with our dear daughter Shubhra Jyotsna, who has given me a faith in life, also enabling me to see and appreciate the beauty of human life notwithstanding its difficulties and ephemerality.


Preface
This book of mine has long been on my mind, but I could hardly find time to do it due to many other pressing personal and official engagements and preoccupations. The book ‘How to Win Your World’ is a book about personality development and interpersonal relationships. It is a distillation of my own personal experience and convictions, interspersed with the suitable popular quotations and anecdotes, culled from different sources, to support and corroborate whatever I have said in the book.

Though I definitely don’t believe and assume that whatever I have said should be acceptable to every one as, based on my own personal beliefs and experience, they are completely my own, but I do feel that many of the things said here are something that have helped me through my own life and, therefore, with a belief that they can be helpful to others as well, I wrote this book. So, if at all, this book turns out to be of some use to even some people in this world, I would feel my efforts have not gone in vain.

Saumitra Mohan, IAS,
Additional District Magistrate,
Hooghly, West Bengal.

Contents

Introduction

2. Believe In Your Self
· Believe in your self and in your dreams.
· Have a purpose in life.
· Believe in your convictions.
· It is never too late for a determined person.
· Things are difficult because we don’t dare.
· Winning is not everything but wanting to win is.
· Don’t rest on your oars:

3. Plan Your Work And Work Your Plan
a. First deserve, then desire.
b. Make an honest appraisal of yourself.
c. Match your desire with your efforts.
d. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.
e. Make good habits, then good habits make you.
f. Do ordinary things extraordinarily.
g. Learn to respect time.
h. Market yourself.

4. Have A Silver Tongue
· Mind your language.
· Think before you speak:
· Take interest in people and call them by their name.
· Be generous with your ‘Thank You’ and ‘Sorry’.
· Avoid saying ‘NO’.
· Try putting your words into other’s mouth.
· Do possess a happy disposition and a good body language.


5. Always Lead From The Front
· Be a leader.
· Assert yourself once in a while.
· Respect ought to be commanded, not demanded.
· Be mindful of your looks.
· Be stingy with your criticisms and fulsome in your compliments.
· A true leader always gives credit to others.
· Always be willing to learn and from anyone.







6. Consolidating Your Social Self
· Make and build contacts.
· Self help is the best help.
· Others are but a reflection of our self.
· Know a person through his/her thoughts.
· Practice what you say.
· Don’t compromise with your principles.
· Be a future oriented social man.


7. Control Your Evil Self.
· Tackling our enemies.
· Don’t wear your heart on your sleeve.
· Don’t respond to nonsense.
· Bend you must, but you should never crawl:
· Be in command of your SELF.
· Control your anger.
· Control your desire.
· Money is not everything.
· Don’t bother about others personal affairs.




8. Love Life. It Is Beautiful
· Life means struggle.
· Allows yourself to go through a rough patch.
· Make the world beautiful.
· Help others to win.
· Our near and dear matter most to us :
9. Learn To Enjoy Life
· Enjoy every moment and be happy in spite of Problems.
· Never forget enjoying life.
· Don’t bother about something you can’t help.
· Learn to be happy and contented.
· Keep a positive attitude.

10. Building Our Self To Build Our Nation
· A society gets what it deserves:
· All is not hunky dory with our civil society:
· We aspire to be great but do nothing:
· When out of country, we are at our best:
· We say one thing and do the other:
· We need to change the way we protest:
· The silent majority has to be more assertive:
· There is still the Great Hope:

11. Last But Not The Least

12. Appendix
A To Z Of Stress Management
The Balance Sheet Of Life

Some Pearls Of Wisdom

Be Ready To Face God While In Heaven

The New Hare And Tortoise Story










Introduction





Today’s fast-paced life, while becoming cosier by the day, is also becoming increasingly complex. And this complexity gets compounded with the kind of people we meet everyday, each with a different hue of character and mental composition. The confusing medley of people we meet makes our life more confusing and perplexing. Still we keep meeting numerous people every day as being a social animal, we just can not help our social interactions and our relationships.

How do we react, how do we behave and how do we converse with them—all these determine many things including what we are and what we want to become. Our interaction with each of them should be measured and customized accordingly. One wrong move some where and many things in one’s life may go awry. That is why, every time we meet someone, we are always thinking, modifying our reactions and behaviour as per the specifications and requirements of the relationship we are entering into. Our own character, socio-cultural background, education, our prejudices, our priorities and similar other factors shape the behaviour of the people we are interacting with. The people we interact with include our friends, relatives, colleagues, acquaintances and complete strangers.







Believe
In
Your
SELF


Believe in your self and in your dreams:
All of us keep dreaming of making it big one day though only some of us are fortunate enough to achieve what we aspire for. And remember, fortune always favours the brave. As Eleanor Roosevelt said, ‘The future belongs to them who believe in the beauty of their dreams’. And the best way to make one's dream come true is to wake up and get into action to realize the same. As Henry David Thoreau rightly said that ‘if you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; there is where they should be. Now put foundations under them’.
Even though there are as many dreams as there are people (or may be even more) in the world, but there are only a few chosen ones, with the requisite capabilities and qualities, who are able to complete the journey to the final destination, to claim the cherished pot at the end of the rainbow. Many either drop out or fall by the way side in their bid to snatch a place in the sun. But then also, do not forget that ‘You are never given a dream without also being given the power to make it true. You may have to work hard for it, however’. Just think of the postage stamp. Its usefulness consists in its ability to stick to one thing till it gets there.
Have a purpose in life:
To begin with, we should definitely have a purpose to make our life meaningful. A life without a purpose is like a rudderless ship which is bound to sink or get shipwrecked. So, we should definitely set ourselves certain life goals and then pursue the same heart and soul. A man, after all, is the product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes. By changing our thoughts, we change our world.

But yes, we should do only one thing at a time. Once a goal is achieved, then we should move to the next. We should not bite more than we can eat. Have only as much on your plate as you can eat and handle. Trying to be a jack of all trades and master of none may not take us anywhere. But by trying to be a master of one trade at a time, one may even become the master of all trades in course of time.

Believe in your convictions:
It has been a common experience that all progress has resulted from unpopular decisions. All the great men or the great movements, which this world has known, have been great or successful because they have believed in themselves, their convictions and have shown remarkable strength and resilience in the face of stiff resistance, even humiliation and carried on with their dogged persistence and perseverance to achieve the goal set by them. Be it Jesus Christ, Socrates, Martin Luther King, Mahatma Gandhi, Nelson Mandela or the movements they launched or led, have all succeeded after surviving the opposition to snuff them or their movements out. So, once you have set a goal or purpose for your life, believe in your self and your capacities to realize the same and pursue them sincerely till you have really achieved it or got somewhere close to it.

One just needs to follow the life profile of the celebrated US President Abraham Lincoln who never gave up in spite of a steady stream of failures and defeats chasing him one after another before his becoming the President of the United States.
Probably the greatest example of persistence is Abraham Lincoln. If we want to learn about somebody who didn't quit despite repeated failures only to savour the fruit of success eventually, we should look no further.
Born into poverty, Lincoln was faced with defeat throughout his life. He lost eight elections, twice failed in business and suffered a nervous breakdown. He could have quit many times but he didn't and because he didn't quit, he became one of the greatest presidents in the history of the United States of America.
Lincoln was a champion and like a true champion, he never gave up. Here is a sketch of Lincoln's road to the White House:
· 1816: His family was forced out of their home. He had to work hard to support them.
· 1818: His mother died.
· 1831: He failed in business.
· 1832: He ran for state legislature but lost.
· 1832: he also lost his job. He wanted to go to law school but couldn’t get in.
· 1833: he borrowed some money from a friend to begin a business and by the end of the year, he was bankrupt. He spent the next 17 years of his life paying off this debt.
· 1834: he ran for state legislature again and for a change, he won this time.
· 1835: he was engaged to be married, but his sweetheart died and his heart was broken.
· 1836: he had a total nervous breakdown and was in bed for six months.
· 1838: He sought to become speaker of the state legislature and got defeated.
· 1840: He then sought to become an elector but got defeated again.
· 1843: He then ran for the Congress and the poor soul lost again.

· 1846: He ran for the Congress again and this time he won. He went to Washington and did a good job.
· 1848: He ran for re-election to the Congress but Lady Luck failed him and he lost.
· 1849: He sought the job of a land officer in his home state but was rejected.
· 1854: He ran for the Senate of the United States and lost.
· 1856: He sought the Vice-Presidential nomination at his party’s national convention but got less than 100 votes and lost.
· 1858: He ran for the U.S. Senate again and lost.
· 1860: He was finally elected as the President of the United States of America.

It is never too late for a determined person:
While it is always better that one starts early and decides on one’s life goal or ambition right in the morning of one’s life, but as they say, it is never too late. What one needs are planning, strong determination, devotion, dedication and hard work. One should plan one's work and then right away put one’s shoulder to the wheel to work one's plan. Remember, the late starters always have to put in more efforts than others as then they have to do a lot of catching up. And, therefore, should be accordingly ready to put in the required effort. But, as far as possible, definitely do today what you can do today rather than postponing it to a future day. Remember, it is the early bird which catches the worm.

Things are difficult because we don’t dare:
Remember, the only thing that comes to us without any effort is our old age. We should, therefore, always keep one thing in mind. It is not because things are difficult that we don’t dare. It is because we don’t dare that things become difficult. There are many opportunities awaiting us all around us, but we should have an eye to identify the same. As someone rightly said, ‘many people don’t recognize the best of opportunities as they are always disguised as hard work and a grueling spell of struggle’. One should, therefore, have all those qualities in oneself that goes into the making of a person worthy of an exalted position.

When asked by Y as to how X intends to make it big in the legal profession keeping in view the fact that legal professions is already very crowded with people and is replete with cut-throat competition, X calmly replied, ‘Base may be thick and crowded, but there is always room at the top, the place I intend to occupy’. The person went on to become a very famous lawyer.

So, always remember, even though the bottom of any profession may always be crowded, but there shall always be room at the top, the place you should fancy to occupy. And there may be many people around, but the supply of capable people never meets the demand. So, make yourself worthy or capable enough that people or the jobs need you more than you need them. Be the ‘honey’ of abilities, and the flies of ‘opportunities and recognition’ would follow you and throng you automatically.

Winning is not everything; but wanting to win is:
There would always be hurdles and they would be legion, but always remember the hoary dictum that when the going gets though, the tough gets going. After all, something as elusive as success never goes through a short cut. When we are desirous of success, we should also be ready for failures and mistakes on our way. We should never be afraid of failures or mistakes. The only way to avoid mistakes is to gain experience. And the best way to gain experience is to be prepared for mistakes. Remember, only those who do nothing, do not make mistakes. And those who don't make mistakes usually don't make anything. Remember, the Leaning Tower of Pisa is the result of a mistake but it has immortalized its architect. You won't win if you don't begin. After all, if you don’t get into water, how would you learn to swim?

Don't forget another hoary dictum that failures are the pillars of success. There are, in fact, two kinds of failures. Those who think and never do, and those who do and never think. So, once you think and decide about something, do it and after you have done it, do not forget to do a post mortem or an analysis of what you did to take your learnings and lessons to preempt future mistakes to do the same work with more finesse. That is why, they say that failures are never getting knocked down, but it is not getting up. Remember if you are not failing, you're not taking enough risks. And if you are not taking risks, you are not taking the opportunity beckoning at you. Remember, no defeat is final until you stop trying. Also remember, when everything is lost, the future still remains. So, take interest in future and secure it by your hard work. That's where you have to spend the rest of
your life. Therefore, we should always be ready to take failures in our stride. Fall we would, but we should definitely not stay there. We should get up and move ahead to move up to realize our coveted place in the sun. We all know very well that the sun is very hot. So, before claiming and settling our place in the sun, we should prepare and anneal our Self like the gold in the fire. As they say, winning is not everything. But wanting to win definitely is.



Success never goes to any Tom, Dick and Harry. The number of those who fail exceed by many times than those who succeed. So, one has to have all that it takes to make it big and be successful. That is why, not everyone is meant to savour the fruit of success. If all the flowers which blossom were to become fruits, there would be no room on the earth for them.

Don’t rest on your oars:
In keeping with the Protestant Ethic that the celebrated social scientist Max Weber talked about, we should always try to find our deliverance in our success, to proclaim through our success that we are the ‘chosen ones’. So even though we should be content and frugal in our personal comforts and convenience, we should not be satisfied with our success and should keep shifting the goal-posts to attain yet another height of success. All of us should always keep working hard as much as possible to stay the best. Because, today it is survival of the fittest. Hence, we should not rest on our oars. Because if you rest on your oars, the cyclone of competition may soon sink your boat. After you have achieved one goal, then shift the goal post, set a new target for yourself, and put yourself with a renewed vigour and determination to realize the same. Remember, the water which stays logged at a particular place for a long time, soon starts sinking but flowing water remain fresh and clean, something always of use to anyone and everyone.





Salient Points of This Chapter


· The future belongs to them who believe in the beauty of their dreams.
· The best way to make one's dream come true is to wake up and get into action to realize the same.
· If you have built castles in the air, then work towards putting foundations under them.
· You are never given a dream without also being given the power to make it true. Make the most of it.
· A man becomes what he thinks. By changing our thoughts, we change our world.
· It is never too late for a determined person.
· While some succeed because they are destined to, most of us succeed because we are determined to.
· Things are difficult because we don’t dare.
· We should not rest on our laurels. We should keep shifting the goal posts from time to time.









Plan
Your Work And Work Your Plan




First deserve, then desire:

Never forget that the number of those desirous of a coveted place in the sun, exceed by many times, but there is only one pot at the end of the rainbow. So, we have to master all those requisite qualities and attributes in such a way as to make us more than worthy to deserve what we have desired. There are some common qualities, which are desideratum for success anywhere, and if we have mastered them, sky is the limit for us. They, inter alia, include a very good command over knowledge of our field (remember what they say about ‘knowledge being power’), a good penmanship or writing skills, a reasonably good oratorical skill, self confidence, capacity to work hard, honesty in everything we do and a concern for the larger society. Possession of, at least, some of them in good proportion may do wonders for us. The more we can add to our positive qualities, the better. The most important of these positive qualities include a good oratorical skill with equally good knowledge of our field, not to speak of a polite and positive outlook. If you have them all in good or reasonably good measure, believe me sooner or later Lady Luck would be smiling on you and showering the bounties you have desired all along.





An elderly carpenter was ready to retire. He told his employer-contractor of his plans to leave the house-building business to live a more leisurely life with his wife and enjoy his extended family. He would miss the paycheck every week, but he wanted to retire. They could get by. The contractor was sorry to see his good worker go and asked if he could build just one more house as a personal favor. The carpenter said yes, but over time it was easy to see that his heart was not in his work. He resorted to shoddy workmanship and used inferior materials. It was an unfortunate way to end a dedicated career. When the carpenter finished his work, his employer came to inspect the house. Then he handed the front-door key to the carpenter and said, “This is your house. My gift to you.” The carpenter was shocked. What a shame! If he had only known he was building his own house, he would have done it all so differently.

So is it with us. We build our lives, a day at a time, often putting less than our best into the building. Then, with a shock, we realize we have to live in the house we have built. If we could do it over, we would do it much differently. But, you cannot go back in time. Assume yourself to be the carpenter who has to hammer a nail, place a board, or erect a wall every day. Someone once said, “Life is a do-it-yourself project.” Your attitude, and the choices you make today, help build the “House” you would be living in tomorrow. Therefore, build it wisely. Whatever you do, do sincerely, do it heart and soul.



Make an honest appraisal of your Self:
One thing that is very important when we set about the achievement of any goal is an honest self-appraisal. We should, through a thorough introspection, cross-examine ourself and ask our self as to whether we have all the requisite qualities necessary for the achievement of the goal that we have set for our Self. Any mistake at this level could prove suicidal and would lead us nowhere. So, we should try to avoid under or overestimation of our Self. Underestimation of our potential would not only waste the human resource in us but it would always make us feel dissatisfied and unfulfilled throughout the life. On the other hand, overestimation would not only keep the success away from us, at the end of the day it would also make us feel completely frustrated and incapable of any worthwhile attainment. So, we should always be on our guard when we set about the exercise of self-assessment and should never let others take decisions for us at this level, even though others can definitely help us arrive at our decision. We should take our own decisions and fight our own battles. And we should also never forget to do a cost-benefit analysis before we finally take any decision. We should always weigh all the options available before us and then opt for the one we deem most suitable for us. But always pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win. As they say, we should always aim for the moon. If we fall, we would, at least, be among the stars.






Match your desire with your efforts:
Yes, if we are ambitious and have the grit and determination to move the mountains, then we can indulge in the luxury of setting a high profile life goal that may not even match our inherent qualities. But to repeat again, fortune always favours the brave.

Remember Demosthenes, a Greek, the great orator of all time, could hardly speak because of his stammering and stuttering, but with his grit and high level of self-motivation, he would, while putting pebbles in his mouth, practice speaking on the sea shores, talking to the roaring waves. Demosthenes, later on, went on to become what all of us know him as, an orator par excellence.

So, all we need to do in such a situation is to uplift ourself to meet the demands of our dreams. If we choose a goal in which we are really interested and are passionate about, believe me, nothing on earth can stop us from achieving what we want or achieving something very close to it. As Goethe also said, “The important thing in life is to have a great aim, and to possess the aptitude and perseverance to attain it.” Always remember that only those succeed who believe in the beauty of their dreams. While some succeed because they are destined to, most of us succeed because we are determined to. Success naturally comes to those who dare and act, and not to those who are timid and afraid of the consequences.



Don’t put all your eggs in one basket:
Let me enter one caveat here. We should take care not to put all our eggs in one basket. May be that we have taken utmost care to select our goal and may be that we put in all our effort to realize the same, but it is also possible that things may not turn out the way we thought they would. Therefore, as far as possible, we should keep other options open. Success, sometimes, also comes through the method of trial and error. May be you may not have done the Self-appraisal adequately and may fail to begin with. So, you need to be ready to try new things, to change your strategy or change your gear to pursue the success in different way in a related or different field. Always try to ensure that whatever you do, you do as per your strength and to your strength and as per a definite plan.

Make good habits, then good habits make you:
We should learn to change our routine, our lifestyle and habits according to the set goal. We should painstakingly make good habits and then wait and watch as to what our habits make of us. We should always keep in mind our goal and let our goal goad all our activities. All our actions should, in one way or the other, contribute to the attainment of our goals. If you feel that the atmosphere around you is not conducive to the realization of your goal, then as far as possible, you should take initiative and effort to create the necessary atmosphere and ambience yourself by befriending or getting close to those who either share your goal with you or are somehow can make a positive contribution to your endeavours. You should find out the rough edges in your personality and strive hard to smoothen the same. All our activities should revolve around and should be aimed at the achievement of our goal.

Do ordinary things extraordinarily:
Perfection consists not in doing extraordinary things, but in doing ordinary things extraordinarily well. So, it is this ‘extra’ that makes us ‘Extra-ordinary’, but this means extra hard work, extra dedication, extra devotion and extra passion for one’s work. As someone famously said, ‘success is not doing different things. It is doing things differently’. And this difference comes with your vision, passion and loves for your work and, most importantly, your own hard work. If you do little things well, you’ll do big ones better. Often we need to work smarter, not harder, but for most of the times, our hard work eventuates and shines as smart work. So, learn to marshal your resources well and do every small work, every ordinary thing extra-ordinarily to come up trumps in life.

Learn to respect time:
As also said above, it is never late to be what you might have been. Remember, time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils. You should never every get into the habit of saying that you do not have enough time. Remember, you have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Louis Pasteur, Michael Angelo, Mother Teresa, Leonardo Da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein. Every morning you are handed twenty four golden hours. Time is one of the few things in this world that you get free of charge. But even if you had all the money in the world, you couldn't buy an extra hour. So, we have a great, priceless treasure. And now, it is all up to us as to what do we do with this treasure of ours. Whether we allow it to remain idle or work on it to create more treasures to make our life beautiful is something that only we have to take a decision about? What will you do with this priceless treasure? While one man gets only a week's value out of a year, another man gets a full year’s value out of a week just because of his or her effort. So all you need to do is to take care of your minutes, and hours would take care of themselves.

Start your day on a positive note:
It has long been felt and believed that we should start our day on a positive note, in a positive mood otherwise we may not be happy at the end of the day. As they say, ‘well begun is half done’ or ‘morning shows the day’, so we should always start our day on a pleasant note as a positive and pleasant outlook and mood then reflects on what we do throughout the day. Otherwise, a negative, sullen mood may spoil our day and all our planned activities for the day as the sullen and negative mood reflects on everything we do through the day. So, guard against such a thing.

Market Your Self:
We should also try to be recognized as a person, who has a lot of confidence in one’s Self, is reliable and who values one’s self-esteem more than anything else. After all, if we don’t respect our self, why should others respect us? And we should try to win this respect by deliberately and consciously marketing our self. But as they say, you would not get a second chance to make the first impression. As far as possible, as and when possible, at every available opportunity, we should always present our self as a very useful and resourceful person, without appearing or sounding boastful or insincere. But you should do this only in respect of your genuine qualities and if you have some qualities, do let people know about them, at least, the people who matter to you, your life and those who do need to know them. Often very good opportunities pass us by despite us being more deserving than those who actually get these opportunities, simply because the right people are not in the know of right people with right qualities at the right time and, hence, opt for any one, even a mediocre with run of the mill abilities. Had we let them know about our qualities, the Lady Luck would be smiling on us? Our confidence stemming from the confidence of possessing deserving qualities should be exuded in right measure and should, in fact, rub on other. Enthusiasm is always contagious. So, we should always be brimming with and exuding it.


Salient Points of This Chapter

· Make an honest appraisal of your self.
· Never let others take decision for yourself.
· Always do a cost-benefit analysis before you take a decision.
· Always pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win.
· Master your field, your tongue and have a polite and positive outlook.
· Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.
· Make good habits, then good habits make you.
· Try to create an atmosphere around you, which is helps you achieve your goal.
· Always market yourself and your qualities with right people, but do the same discreetly.
· Do ordinary things extraordinarily
· Learn to respect time. You take care of your minutes, and hours would take care of themselves.
















Have
A
Silver
Tongue

Mind Your Language:
It is nice to be important. But it is important to be nice. Any individual, who loves success and desires to be a go-getter in every walk of life, should never alienate others or make enemies. Remember, our tongue is a wet place and it is liable to slip. So, as far as possible, we should try being tactful. Tact is defined as making a point without making an enemy. We should, therefore, always be on our guard while dealing with people. As far as possible, be a glib, or if that sounds bad, a sweet-talking man. As the golden saying goes, ‘if we cannot give sweet to someone, at least, we can talk sweetly. After all, it costs nothing.’

A group of frogs were traveling through the woods, and two of them fell into a deep pit. When the other frogs saw how deep the pit was, they told the two frogs that they were as good as dead. The two frogs ignored the comments and tried to jump up out of the pit with all their might. The other frogs kept telling them to stop, that they were as good as dead. Finally, one of the frogs took heed to what the other frogs were saying and gave up. He fell down and died. The other frog continued to jump as hard as he could. Once again, the crowd of frogs yelled at him to stop the pain and just die. He jumped even harder and finally made it out. When he got out, the other frogs said, "Did you not hear us?" The frog explained to them that he was deaf. He thought they were encouraging him the entire time, so he kept trying, succeeding to come out finally.

This story teaches us two lessons. Firstly, there is power of life and death in the tongue. An encouraging word to someone who is down can lift them up and help them make it through the day and through any situation, howsoever difficult and trying, in life. And secondly, a destructive word to someone who is down can be what it takes to kill them.

How our tongue can land us in a soup is also borne out by the following funny anecdote:
There were these four guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a French, who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appears. Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, he said, “Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you a wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to become, then your wish will come true.” The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted “WINE”. The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool. Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, “VODKA” and immersed himself into a pool of vodka.The German was next and he jumped and shouted, “BEER”. He was so contented with his beer pool. The last is the American. He was running towards the pool, when suddenly he steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted, “SHIT”!!!!!!! Rest of it you can imagine. MORAL OF THE STORY: Mind your language, you never know what it will land you in.


So be careful of what you say. Always speak ‘life’ to those who cross your path. It is sometimes hard to understand as to how the power of an encouraging word can go such a long way. So, before uttering a word, we should stop for a moment, think of the impact and effect it would have and then we should speak the same. Remember, anyone can speak the words that tend to rob another of the spirit to continue in difficult times. But special is the individual who will take the time to encourage another fellow human being.

Think before you speak:
Ours is a short sojourn on this blue planet called earth. So, even as the most privileged of God’s creature, whom God made in His own image, we should not hurt anyone. We never know the man we are offending and alienating with our tongue today may be of a lot of use in times to come. Even though we may not notice, but someone we have offended with our words or actions, may take umbrage to it so strongly that he would wait for an opportune moment to strike back. Remember the episode in Mahabharata in Indian mythology, where Duryodhana bided his time to humiliate Draupadi by trying to disrobe her through his younger brother Dusshashana for her mocking and addressing the former as the ‘blind son of the blind father’. So, like a wily politician/diplomat, we should be generous with our tongue. That is why, they say that while handling our self, we should use our head, but while handling others, we ought to use our heart, with head giving broader directions only.



Often, it has come to be seen that many of us suffer from logophilia, which stands for an individual’s love for speaking. Many of us tend to speak even when the situation does not warrant us to speak or even when we are not concerned to the ongoing debate and discussion by any stretch of imagination. But once we do that, we become an interested party, often leading or landing us in very embarrassing situation with very negative implications for our personal well being or emotional health. More often than not, one also ends in ruining oneself completely, even though one should not have been concerned about the matter and should not have spoken in the very first instance.

Also, this logophilia often lead some people to speak more than what is required, thereby again crash-landing oneself into embarrassing grounds or ruining one’s fortunes or one’s personal relationships. So, we should not speak, when not required and even when we speak, we should be very measured in what we speak and should, in no case, speak more than what we are supposed to say.

Take interest in people and call them by their name:
Try appearing sincere and interested in every person you meet. As far as possible, try remembering people’s name and call them by their name. Everyone loves that. Everyone has some or the other good quality. Find that out. Everyone loves to hear good words about one self. So, be fulsome in your compliments of people and keep appreciating and acknowledging it. Even if to warm their cockles, tell them as to how you would like to imitate them or learn a particular attribute or quality possessed by him or her. Just do it and you would win instant approval of that person, simultaneously generating a precious fund of goodwill for your self.


Keep a list of people who you think are either important, some how help build your image or are your admirers (even if he or she happens to be your lowest of the subordinates). You should make it a point to make courtesy calls to them from time to time or discuss face to face, to know about their well being, even if you have no work with them. Also, try remembering small things about all such people, and inquire about them and just see the magic.


One of my friends would make it a point to inquire about and discuss the small problems of his acquaintances, friends and subordinates with a lot of interest, even if he did that or called them after a very long time. And all these people were happily surprised as to how does this man remembers so much. This man actually kept a note of such small things about these people and would flip through them before calling them, as if to do his homework. But believe me, this small gesture did convince all his interlocutors about the concern and care my friend showed in them, thereby creating a very good fund of goodwill. This works wonders and is a very good move in one’s personal relations (PR) exercise. People start thinking good about you, creating a very good image for yourself in public.




If someone, howsoever small, calls you and you are not able to attend to his/her call because of some reason beyond your control, make it a point to call them back after a while or at your convenience. This not only shows your sincerity, but also shows your character, further building your image of a caring nice person or a friend. Don’t let go these PR opportunities.

Also, if you happen to know about some benefit or opportunity some where, where your interests are not overly or directly involved, where you do not stand any chance, or where you think the information would anyhow travel to such people. Do make it a point to call such people to tell them that there exists a wonderful opportunity or a benefit which you think would be wonderful for him/her and hence he/she should definitely try to benefit from the same. This also wins you approval of the people around you, again adding to your ‘nice and caring person’ image. In all this, you happen to get oodles without any cost to yourself.

But remember one thing, if you can not find anything nice to say about someone, then better be quiet than saying the truth. After all, silence itself is a great art of conversation, as William Hazlitt would have us believe. If needed, then find some other way of conveying the same. So, in stead of saying that the ‘red colour does not suit someone, one can definitely say that while red is looking fine, but blue would look wonderful or much better’.


There goes the story of a king who had a very bad dream one night, wherein he saw that he had grown very old and all his teeth had fallen. The next morning, the king summoned two of the very renowned astrologers of his Court to interpret his dream. The first astrologer said that ‘the king would die earlier than most of his kins’. The second astrologer was smarter and more diplomatic with his words. He said, ‘the relatives of the king would live longer than the king’. While both said the same thing, the second astrologer was more polite with his words and phrased the same interpretation differently and positively. So, the first astrologer was sent to the gallows, while the second was handsomely rewarded by the king. We really need to learn to find ways with our words.


Be generous with your ‘Thank You’ and ‘Sorry’.
Always keep these simple but potent words of courtesy in your verbal armoury. Every favour or good done to you should be immediately responded to by a ‘Thank You’, while any mistake or hurt caused should be followed by a similarly heart-felt sorry but they should not be just words, but should respectively reflect your genuine gratefulness or sense of apologies when you use them. We may not realize, but these words along with such other expressions as ‘so nice of you’ and ‘I am so thankful’ have wonderful impact. Just use them at the right time and see the magic.


Avoid saying ‘No’:
During my brief existential expericism, I have often noticed that people simply do not like to hear ‘No’ from anybody. So, if someone asks us for a favour, as far as possible, avoid this ‘nay saying’. In stead, phrase your ‘No’ differently. Start with the affirmation of what your interlocutor is saying. You can start with saying, ‘what you are saying is right, very right but what I think is…..’ or ‘what you are saying is right but if you see this from this perspective, the thing would turn out to be like this.’ Try also to be affirmative, while responding to a request, as far as possible. I have often noticed that a good number of times our response do not or need not go beyond this but this ‘Yes’ word does a world of good to us and to our relationships. At least, try saying that ‘you would try’, even if you can not do anything about it. But, it does reflect a positive outlook and a helpful disposition on your part, simultaneously also keeping the requesting person hopeful and optimistic. But do not be so fulsome or forthcoming with your assurances to raise someone’s expectations so much as to convince that person of not trying anyone or anything else. As far as possible, promise only what you can do. And then deliver more than what you have promised.

Talking again about one of my friends, he often gets request calls for favour from different people, some known to him, but most of them unknown to him, the latter often being on the fringe of his relationships. As far as and as long as I have known him, he has rarely said ‘No’ to anyone. He takes pain to say ‘Yes’ and, in fact, sounds very optimistic with his words which appear very encouraging to his interlocutors. The truth is that many of these people do not want more than this and are very happy learning that you, at least, gave them a patient hearing, tried and took some pain for him or her notwithstanding your own pressing preoccupations. Also many of these people, while trying for favour from him, also approach many others, many of whom do oblige with positive actions.

Also, while trying to approach people for favour, most of such people also try to do their own home work properly as far as possible to get the job done on merit. So, in a good number of cases where we assure of help and say ‘Yes’ to people, the work gets done on its own merit or due to someone who does oblige his/her requestor. If possible, we should try following up on the fate of the work being requested. If we discover that the work is done, send a message across that the work is done and claim the credit. If the work is partially done, then inform accordingly, expressing regret while simultaneously adding as to how you did your best. In case of work not being done at all, you should politely express regret about the same, if informed or take trouble to save face by ferreting out the best answer. If such person calls us some day after a long time, do not forget to ask him about the work, while informing him or her as to how you tried your best. In any case, you lose nothing.

This friend of mine once received a request from a powerful Minister for favouring four candidates at a particular job interview, something he would never do as, himself coming from a humble background, he would never scupper the chances of a meritorious candidate for someone who has a Minister or some other influential to look after. So, in keeping with his principle, he did nothing and allowed the interview to proceed in full fairness. But, he definitely followed the fate of those four candidates. Fortuitously, two of those candidates succeeded on their own merit. But my dear friend took pain to inform the said Minister as to how he could ensure the success of two of his (Minister’s) candidates, but could not help the other two for the simple reason that they did not have good scores in the written part of the test. The Minister was more than pleased. He also called the two successful candidates to tell them that they must thank the Minister for the favour, in his bid to ensure the gratefulness of such candidates towards him (towards my friend) also. He does it deliberately, less to seek gratefulness, but more to penalize these people, the penalty being the burden of the fact that they got their job because of someone’s favour, not because of their own merit. After all, they must be made to suffer for not believing in themselves and for seeking precedence over others through influence-peddling.

Often this friend of mine gets requests from people to call some official to help a particular candidate through a recruitment drive. They call him several times and he assures them each time of the help, while doing nothing in reality. He does nothing as the same goes against his principle of unduly helping someone while spoiling the fortune of the really deserving ones. He very politely assures them of help, often taking pain to tell them that he has done the needful of calling the ‘Man Influential’. In some of these cases, the candidates are selected by dint of their own merit or by dint of the people, also approached by such people, who actually oblige and then they call my friend to thank for whatever he has done, even though he has not done anything. But had he said ‘No’, he would have lost these persons’ goodwill, alienated them and spoilt his relationship with them, which he does not, by being sweet to them and by sounding positive to their requests. Of so many people calling for help, my friend does point to those, not so fortunate, as to how could he help those whose work actually got done, thereby trying to retain or enhance his ‘Goodwill Fund’.

Also, in all such cases, where many of these requests may be genuine depending upon the nature of work, one has to take a decision as to whom to call and for whom to call. Because if you start calling all and sundry for any and every such request, your request may not carry weight and may not go much far as people would get to know that this person keeps calling for anyone and everyone. So, if one does it too often, then there may be a situation where one’s even genuine requests for genuinely needy people genuinely needing help, may not carry weight with people or would stop impressing them. So, you should preserve your contacts and their influence or their capacity to favour you for those moments when you really need their help. Our contacts are our resources. We should use them sparingly. But in all this, we should always remember that ‘it is the fundamental rule of human life that if the approach is good, the response would, obviously and without fail, be good’, as Jawaharlal Nehru, India’s first Prime Minister, also believed.

And yes, as and when you oblige people or do someone a favour, do let him/her know about it. Otherwise, all our efforts would go down the drain. After all, we must get something in return of our favour even if it happens to be a mere goodwill of the people concerned, further helping build us a positive image. But some people also point to the pleasure of doing good secretly and getting it having discovered by the beneficiary by accident and then, the consequent appreciation is also very heart-warming and uplifting. So, we should exercise our discretion in certain cases, as to how we need to respond to such things, where we need to evoke gratefulness to our favours by our direct interventions and where we can leave them to be discovered by the beneficiaries accidentally or indirectly through someone else.


Try putting your words into others’ mouth:
As said above, try to find your ways with your words. Try to say your ‘NO’ without hurting the other person, or without the other person realizing that he or she is wrong. In stead, try putting your own words in their mouth. So, you need to start very smartly, with proper back-grounding of the ensuing discussion, including keeping the person or persons (the participants in the discussion) in good humour or in good mental disposition. Start the discussion in such a way that people are either forced to accept your suggestions or they are led to suggest what you have been having in mind.

Everyone loves to lead rather than being led. Here, you would be leading people to lead you. And, you discover that the discussion is proceeding as per your desire and the moment a definite suggestion, as desired by you, has been mooted, lap it up and always end the suggestion by saying that ‘you are very right, I agree with you’ or ‘what you are all suggesting, I find completely acceptable and agreeable’, meaning thereby that you end the discussion making people realize that it is their bidding, wish or suggestion which has been accepted, rather than yours. If you can pull it off, you have won. A leader should always lead, even in a discussion, without letting the others realize that they are being led.


If the discussion does not proceed as you planned or intended to, then make definite but positive interventions. Never mind, if you have to incorporate some minor suggestions in your original plan or even if you have to alter your decision substantively as a result of an independent discussion, which give a completely different perspective. After all, a good leader is also a good follower, of the best methods and of the best practices.

Do possess a happy disposition and a good body language:
Laugh and the world laughs with you. But when you weep, you weep alone. So, as far as possible, we should always keep smiling. After all, it increases our face value. Coupled with a good sense of humour, it is one of the best articles of dress one can wear in society. Just try smiling at someone and you would see that you have instantly won a friend. Smile is one thing that you always get back with interest. So, learn to smile and laugh. The person who knows how to laugh at himself would never cease to be amused. But a man without a sense of humour is like a car without shock absorbers. A happy disposition and a well developed sense of humour is the pole that adds balance to your step as you walk the tightrope of life.

You should also try to develop an animated but healthy body language. Your eyes, hands and other body parts should be synchronized with what you say. A drooping shoulder, a long face, a tired, morose look, a leaning posture, a non-confident gait, hateful gestures, sullen voice, and roving, cunning eyes are something we should all and always try to avoid. As far as possible, we should have a cheerful face, a confident gait and look, lovable gestures, erect postures, warmth in our voice, and beaming eyes which go well with our personality. The enthusiasm and cheerfulness of a person often easily rubs off on the other.

Remember, problems are but a part of our life. Without them, our life would be so dull and drab, like food without spices. And the people who overly burden themselves with worries and unhappiness about their sundry problems, they are often shunned by people, as everyone has some problems in life and, hence, they would love someone who can help them feel happy and light for a moment rather than desiring the company of a person who is always crying and complaining. As they say, laugh and the world laughs with you. Weep and you weep alone. That is why, unhappy and discontented people have fewer companies than those with a happy disposition.













Salient Points of This Chapter

· It is nice to be important. But it is important to be nice.
· Our tongue is a wet place and it is liable to slip.
· Tact is defined as making a point without making an enemy.
· If we cannot give sweet to someone, at least, we can talk sweetly. After all, it costs nothing.
· Ours is a short sojourn on this blue planet called earth. Don’t hurt anyone.
· While handling our self, we should use our head, but while handling others, we ought to use our heart.
· People do not like to hear ‘No’ from anybody. So, as far as possible, avoid this ‘nay saying’. Phrase your ‘No’ affirmatively.
· Contacts are resources. We should use them sparingly.
· A sweet tongue helps us create a ‘Goodwill Fund’ which helps us through our life.
· Remember small things about people.
· Do let your favourites know about the favours you have done to them.
· Put your words into others mouth making them believe that it is theirs.
· Try comprehending and following others suggestions. Sometimes, they are pregnant with great pearls of wisdom.
· Try appearing sincere and interested in every person you meet.
· As far as possible, try remembering people’s name and call them by their name. Everyone loves that.
· Do possess a good sense of humour and cultivate a healthy, confident body language. A man without humour is like a car without shock absorbers.







Always
Lead
From The Front



Be a leader:
While ‘Management’ teaches us as to how to do things in a right way, leadership is all about doing the right things. While ‘Management’ tells us as to how to climb the ladder of success, the art of leadership helps us in deciding as to which wall is to be climbed. The ultimate leader is one who is willing to develop people to the point that they eventually surpass him or her in knowledge and ability.
A leader should always keep one’s mind open. As they also say, that mind is like a parachute. It works only when it is open. But again, it has also been said that one should not be so open minded that one’s brain falls out. So, one should exercise one’s discreation as to what to learn and where to learn from.
Assert yourself once in a while:
Even though we may be very pally with our subordinated staff and officers in our bid to create the necessary ambience and get work out of them, the same should not be allowed to go out of hand to an extent where they start taking us for granted, where our pat on their back starts eliciting their pat on our back. So, even though once in a while, you should put your foot down, you should assert your self once in a while, give them a piece of your mind and let them know as to who is the boss, but again the same should be done without rubbing them the wrong way, without harming the fund of goodwill you have already created with them. Your tongue should be firmly in command here.



Also, if you have blasted your subordinates one day for some reason or if by mistake, you happen to have blasted someone in public, do make it a point to salve the bruise you have given at leisure, the earliest possible, the better. Try going to the person yourself or if that sounds too much, call such a person and then discuss the matter with him/her in a more sanitized tone and with much better courtesy thrown in and try telling him/her as to how you appreciate/admire him/her or his/her work and as to how you expected him/her to act or do a thing in a particular manner or in a particular way. Try doing it and see how instantly you have neutralized the damage done to your relationship with that particular employee. This technique works with any relationship.

Respect ought to be commanded than demanded:
At work, we should try to command respect by proving our worth and by our success. If we are ourself good at work and ourself have good qualities, then only can we and should we expect the same from others. Otherwise, we would not get our team’s respect as we don’t deserve the same. And yes, the best way to get respect is to ourselves give it first. If we don’t respect others, others shall also not respect us, howsoever worthy, intelligent or talented we may be.

Always try giving a personal touch to your relationship with your subordinates, including those from the lowest ranks. Do not mind sharing a joke with them once in a while, and if there is a need, pay them a surprise visit, get a gift packet or a bouquet sent on the eve of such occasions as their marriage anniversary or birthday once in a blue moon. Inquire about their small problems. Try remembering the names of their children, the details of their studies and such minor details about their problems and then discuss the same with them with an animated interest. Just see how your personal equation with a particular person takes an upward, skyward swing.

It is widely believed that it is better to bind our relations, without exception, to us by respect, love and gentleness than by regimentation and fear. Same goes for any and every relation including the ones we make in our office. We should allow someone enough of independence and right to decide, rather than trying to bind him/her or holding onto him/her through threats and sheer discipline. As they say, allow someone the freedom to go wherever and do whatever one wishes to do. If the love and belonging is true, then he/she would come back to us to do our bidding, or else he/she never would.

Be mindful of your looks:
Often, many of us revel in the fact of their simple living and simple looks, but the same should not be allowed to become synonymous with shabby looks, because our dress and our looks often give the required ‘first impression’, which are sometimes very important. We may be very good and may have very good qualities, but we might be shunned by the people around us, simply because we don’t look good. And by good looks, one definitely does not mean ‘one’s good physical features’. One only means that one should learn as to how to dress clean and dress well. We should also, thereby, learn to look important and feel important without looking or feeling arrogant. Repeating again, if we don’t respect our Self, then why should others?

Be stingy with your criticism and fulsome in your compliments:
Finding fault in others is as easy as finding shells on the sea-shore. In fact, it is always advisable to have a heart to help, if we wish to have the right to criticize. It is much easier to criticize and find fault. But we also need to see that the effect of a pat on the back is much better and heart-warming for both, the patted and the patter, than talking ill behind some one’s back. It makes a world of difference. So, we should exercise this faculty of ours with a lot of care and caution. As far as possible, we should be very composed and parsimonious with our criticism and very generous with our praise. As a Sanskrit maxim suggests, we should criticize in secrecy, while praise in the open, in front of everyone. So, we should not criticize or embarrass anyone in public. Do the same at leisure and in private.

A true leader always gives credit to his team:
We would achieve more if we stop bothering and don’t mind as to who gets the credit. As a leader you should not mind giving credit for a job well done to your subordinates or colleagues. Believe me, even though you give credit to others, the truth is that the credit, in the ultimate analysis remains rightfully yours, as the job was done in your leadership and anyhow, those who give are always greater than those who take, even if it happens to giving credit. If possible, do not mind signing off a letter of appreciation in favour of an employee or an officer. This small gesture does not only permanently immortalize you and your name in their personal file, but also does a great deal to your relationship with the employee, thereby to your control on such an employee and adds positively to the overall office ambience and work productivity. So, be generous in your acknowledgement of your team’s efforts and you would soon be having them eating out of your hand. In such situations, always avoid the ‘I’, ‘me’ and ‘mine’ words. In stead, use ‘we’, ‘us’ and ‘our’ while referring to a success and an achievement.

Yes, if somehow you happen to be in a situation where your boss is not the one who gives your due credit and recognition or where he/she tries to hog all the limelight and credit for the donkey’s job done by you, then ferret out smart and discrete ways to let right people know about it, as to who was behind a particular success or a particular achievement and who deserves the credit for a job well done.

Again, as they say, while success has many fathers, failure is an orphan. As a leader, you should always be more than willing to chivalrously take the blame for whatever failure comes your way. Believe me, if you are willing to do that, you would soon discover that all your colleagues and subordinates are there right behind you, to correct the mistake and to get on to next venture with a renewed vigour and determination. But again, here also, if it so happens that you have a boss, who is deliberately trying to make a fall-guy/scapegoat of you by shifting the entire blame to you, even if you are in no way related or responsible for it, do not flinch again to disabuse the same, by bringing the right picture in the know of the right people in a right, discrete and smart manner.




Always be willing to learn and from anyone:
There are two kinds of fools in this world. Those who give advice and those who don't take it. So, do not be either. Don’t give unsolicited advice to any one as it does not gain you any credit, rather it builds an image of a wiseacre or a ‘Mr. Know-How’, unnecessarily trying to pile on. And also do not deem your self to be so competent or knowledgeable to know anything and everything as to not requiring any suggestion or advice from anyone. Judge the person and his/her advice, deliberate over it and accept or reject the same depending upon its utility/merit or relevance with the problem at hand. Always be willing to learn and from anyone and as a learner, be as humble as a learner, as a student ought to be. Be thankful to the person from whom a lesson is learnt and acknowledge the same accordingly and respectfully. Remember growing old is mandatory while growing up is optional. So, if we wish to grow up, then always be more than willing to learn newer things and from anyone.












Salient Points of This Chapter

· Like a leader, always lead from the front.
· While ‘Management’ teaches us as to how to do things in a right way, leadership is all about doing the right things.
· The ultimate leader is one who is willing to develop people to the point that they eventually surpass him or her in knowledge and ability.
· You should keep asserting yourself once in a while without rubbing others the wrong way.
· Add a personal touch to your relationship with your colleagues and subordinates.
· Respect ought to be commanded, not demanded.
· If you don’t respect yourself, no body else would.
· Conversely, to get respect, you must give it first.
· Be stingy with your criticisms and fulsome in your compliments.
· Blast one day but do not forget to salve another day.
· If you can not find anything nice to say about someone, then better be quiet.
· A true leader is always willing to give credit of his success to his followers.
· If your boss does not give your due credit, find smart ways to get the same.
· Don’t meekly submit to your boss’s shenanigans.
· Always be willing to learn and from anyone.










Consolidating Your
Social Self


Make and build contacts:
We should always try to expand the number of our contacts because in today’s world, these things matter. In fact, they matter a lot. So, know one thing very clearly-everyone is important as a contact and as such, all of them together are a great resource. Hence, all our contacts need to be nurtured and properly groomed for using the same at the right time. We have to cultivate each of them on sui generic basis i.e. individually.

Our contacts in high places i.e. our acquaintances in high places, know the reason for our interest in them. Such people should be visited or called at regular intervals. You should never ever go to such people with some work in the very first or second meeting. This is not at all advisable and would show you in poor light. Also, if by a quirk of fate or our own merit, if we succeed in life or if we happen to reach a relative high profile position, we should never forget the people we have known. In fact, all of us have some position or the other, howsoever insignificant, but still each one gets into one or the other situation, where we can oblige or favour someone. So, everyone, howsoever insignificant, can be in a situation and can have an opportunity to oblige someone, howsoever high profile. So, we should not forget anyone we have known and should, actually, nurture all our contacts. We never know when our acquaintance with them would come in handy and pay us rich dividends. Again, as a human beings also, you should never forget anyone you have known after you reach a position, as that reflects very poorly on your character. A gentlemanly courtesy with them would stand you in good stead and would add shine to your success. It also adds to the number of people in your network, who can later act as a resource for any work and need in future.

We should always try to be percipient enough to tell chaff from the grain. As we try to cultivate friends keeping in view their position or resourcefulness, others may also do the same to us keeping our position or resourcefulness in view. So, watch out for the genuine friends and guard against the fake ones. We should never forget those who have stood by us in our difficult times and chipped in with all possible help. Such people are true friends and have to be cultivated and cherished like one’s precious possessions.

But guard against smarmy people who flock us and are around us only because of our success. Just have a sort of working relationship with them and don’t try to mix with them beyond a point. Identify such people and do not go beyond a point to do them a favour or to help them. Just be sweet with such people and, as far as possible, do not give them anything but your sweet words. Many such people are there with you just because of your position or wealth, and would be among the first to turn hostile and harm you if things go awry for you. As they say, if you lend someone $20, and never happen to see that person again, it was probably worth it and a very cheap bargain.






Self help is the best help:
It has been noticed that notwithstanding our penchant of nurturing contacts and trying to build relations with the high and the mighty, at the end of the day, one is eventually left to one’s own resources and all these contacts may come to naught and may not get you any dividend when you really need their help. Remember one thing very clearly, it is very rare to find someone who would stick one’s neck out for you, unless and until one is somehow involved or has some stake. So, do not even expect people to go out of their way to help you. If you still have such people, then you are some of the luckiest guys around. But everyone is not so lucky. So, as a golden rule and like everyone else, we should always rely on our own resources rather than on those of others, as when the chips are down and when the crunch comes, no body helps and we are all alone, left to fend for ourselves. That is why, it is said that ‘self help is the best help’.

So, we should never presume things and never take anything or anyone for granted, more so if it pertains to our vital interests. If some work or outcome involves the other person, we should always be extra careful. Always keep following up, otherwise the work may never get done. Once you have left the work completely to some such person, who just does not have any stake in the work to be done, howsoever capable and trustworthy, be certain that something would go wrong. As they say, rely on too many people and be sure that you would be disappointed. Remember, what they say about ‘so many cooks spoiling the broth’. We can control ourself and our resources, but often it is well nigh difficult to control others, more so when they happen to be people who do not have any stake in the venture. So, as far as possible, in matters crucial and important, we should rely on our self, our own resources and should keep following up in stead of delegating something important completely to someone else. In such cases, the celebrated Murphy’s Law often wins the day. Murphy’s Law says, ‘if you expect a thing to go wrong, be sure that it surely would’.

Also, as far as possible, try being independent in all your needs. Dependence on others may lead you or land you in situations you may not like and may also force you to lead life in ways you may never have thought of. So, always strive to be less dependent on others. Self dependence is the best thing in life and one should always keep making attempts in that direction. Though as a human being who lives in society, we can never be completely self-dependent, but it is definitely feasible to be relatively self dependent. Self dependence allows us to live our life at our own terms.

Others are but a reflection of our Self:
Remember, we are and we become what we think we are and what we want to become. Same also applies to our attitude and character. If we are good, others would also look good. If we are bad, we would find that others are bad, too. Others are but a reflection of our inner self. Just try being good yourself and just try seeing others devoid of any prejudice, you would soon discover that you are surrounded by beautiful people and thereby your own world shall also appear you to be a beautiful one.





A son and his father were walking on the mountains.Suddenly, his son falls, hurts himself and screams: “AAAhhhhhhhhhhh!!!”To his surprise, he hears the voice repeating, somewhere in the mountain: “AAAhhhhhhh!!!” Being curious, he yells, “Who are you?” He receives the answer: “Who are you?” and then he screams to the mountain, “I admire you!” The voice answers back, “I admire you!” Angered at the response, he screams, “Coward!” He receives back the answer, “Coward!” He looks to his father and asks, “What is going on?” The father smiles and says, “My son, pay attention.” Now the father screams, “You are a champion!” The boy is surprised, but does not understand. Then the father explains, “People call this ECHO, but, in reality, this is our LIFE. It gives you back everything you say or do. Our life is simply a reflection of our actions. If you want more love in the world, create more love in your heart and give more love to people around you. If you want more competence in your team, improve your own competence. This relationship applies to everything, in all aspects of life. Life will give you back everything you have given to it.” The Karma theory in Hinduism also endorses this theory.

So, remember you life is not a coincidence. It is a reflection of your own Self. As they say, ‘If the eyes are windows to our soul, we should always keep them clear. Dirty windows mean we have something to hide’.



Know a person through his/her thoughts:
A man is not only known by one’s companions, but is also known by what he or she says or talks about. So, try understanding or comprehending a person by what he/she talks about and take your own decisions or make your own opinion accordingly. If we speak foul words, it is because we have a foul mind. As is the earth, so would be the produce. So, if we keep our mind clean, noble and positive, only noble and positive thoughts would be there and, then, with positive thoughts, our speech shall also become positive and noble. Remember, clouds in our mind often lead to and result in waters from our eyes, and these are often waters of regret and penitence. So, we should have a mind, clean and crystal clear.

It has generally been seen that people get overly exercised about those who keep bitching about others or those who keep telling unwholesome lies about something or someone, even though it does not concern them by any stretch of imagination. Just give them a patient hearing. Hear with one ear to allow to pass the same through the other without allowing it to pass through your mouth unless it happens to be something positive.

We should always be willing to believe something as long as it does not pertain to our interests. And if the same happens to be negative things about someone, we should keep it to our self, without believing the same. Negative information about anyone should not be trusted without further corroboration and verification. Also, we should guard against such people who keep bitching about others as they may do the same to us some day. Make your own opinion about people, rather than seeing them through some

one else’s glasses and judging him/her completely by his/her background or past life. Your own thinking, attitude and perspective may give you a completely different or oftentimes a diametrically opposite idea about a person than the idea you have gathered through someone else.

Practice what you say:
When all is said and done, more has been said. As they say, knowledge is a treasure, but practice is a key to it. A treasury without possessing its key may not be of any avail. So, we should never appear to be a person with a dual character. If people see us as someone who does not practice what we preach, then no one would take us seriously. We would be seen as a fraudulent person and a man with dubious character, who should be avoided at all cost. As they say, ‘If wealth is lost, nothing is lost. If health is lost, something is lost. But if the character is lost, everything is lost’. Therefore, we should always try to do what we say, but again we should not always say all we do. After all, as they say, often silence is golden. So, even while we should be courteous to all, but we should intimate with few and let those few be very well tried before we give them our confidence.

Don’t compromise with your principles:
While we should take care that our ego does not overwhelm us beyond a point, we should definitely be a positive egotist. A positive egotist is one who has his spine intact and does not compromise on one’s principles and values in a bid to get ahead. If we don't stand for something, we would fall for everything. Yes, there is a rider to this exhortation that one should be non-compromising about one’s principles and values. If we think that some

larger good or interest could be served by such a compromise, we should not shrink from doing the same. After all, principles and values are there to make human life better and not otherwise. But this should not be done expediently and here one should exercise one’s discretion with a lot of caution.

Be a future-oriented social man:
While acting in the present, we should always keep an eye fixated towards the future like the mythical Roman God Janus. Always remember that our present has been determined by our past and our future shall be determined by our present. So, all the decisions we arrive at should be taken with a view to our future goals, in consonance with our values and principles. Also, we should never let our goal blind us so much as to ignore the larger interests of society. Always give the latter precedence over the former. Because weakening of our society is our own weakening and latter’s strengthening is our own strengthening as society’s strength comes back to add to our own strength.










Salient Points of This Chapter

· We should always try to expand the number of our contacts. And then, we need to nurture each of our contacts.
· Never ask your contacts for some work in the very first instance.
· Your contacts are your resource. So, exercise your discretion as to whom to call and for whom.
· If you happen to reach a high profile position or get success in life, you should never forget the people you have known.
· Watch out for the genuine friends and guard against the fake ones.
· Others are just a reflection of our inner self.
· If you lend someone $20, and never happen to see that person again, it was probably worth it and a very cheap bargain.
· Self help is the best help. We should, as far as possible, rely on our resources rather than others, as when the chips are down and when the crunch comes, no body helps and we are all alone.
· We should never presume things and never take anything for granted, more so if it pertains to our vital interests.
· Guard against people who talk ill of others.
· Make your own opinion about people.
· We should not always say all that we do.
· We should intimate with few and let those few be very well tried before we give them our confidence.
· If we don't stand for something, we would fall for everything.






Control
Your
Evil
Self


Tackling our enemies:
Howsoever good and gentlemanly you may be, the truth is if you exist on this planet, you shall have enemies, some people out there to harm you, as the general wisdom suggests. And if you happen to be a successful person, chances are that they would be more in number. Now to tackle our outright enemies, we have to put ourselves in their shoes and then go on to take all those pre-emptive steps we think are necessary to counter the possible enemy steps. But we should never be vindictive or revengeful. Revengefulness is a satanic attribute and by being so, more often than not, we would end up harming ourselves more than the enemy, for whom it is intended. If possible, we should send feelers of our good intentions towards them. Praise them in front of persons we think are close to them and say the same in such a manner as if we really mean it. And rest assured that what we thought was communicated in good faith and strict confidence, has already reached our enemy ears. Such steps may neutralize the possible harms that our enemy may be contemplating against us.

Often, we act on our impulse and react to our enemy provocations immediately without any thought to the consequences. In such situations, take your time, bide for the right opportunities to come out with positive reactions at right time. Your reactions should be measured and mature rather than impulsive and reactive and should be intended at making the opponents realize their mistake and winning them back aboard through your deeds.

Also, as far as possible, we should try doing good to people we think are worthy of our friendship, but whom we have fallen out with because of some misunderstanding. This would send a positive message and win the person over in due course of time. There is one more thing we should keep in mind. We should not vent our anger and frustration against people we dislike. Because if we do so, it would give negative signals about our own image and by voicing our anger and frustrations, we get nothing. In stead, we actually harm ourself by raising our blood pressure and by being tense and agitated, while being angry. If someone harms you and tries to hurt you, do not think of revenge. What this man did was his character. Now, if you have an opportunity to help him/her, do help. We should, actually, try being kind and more helpful to them. This would raise our standing in the eyes of our detractors and establish us as a good human being, simultaneously making the former realize their folly. But if still they do not mend their ways, do not bother. But, at least, let the world around know about it. Then, you would be winning a psychological battle against such people, raising your own public standing, while lowering that of your enemies.

Always remember the Biblical saying that we should not do to others what we would not like to be done unto ourselves. Its flip side is equally true i.e. doing things to others as we would love to be done unto us.

Always remember, the only job that starts at the top is when we dig a grave. As they also say, we should not fight too much. Or else the enemy would know the art of our war. So, we should always remember one thing. We should not be embroiled in inter-personal fights and should never let our problems, our misunderstandings or our poor relations with someone dictate the relations of our near and dear ones with the person. Otherwise we would not only be permanently closing the door on rapprochement, but would also make our life more tense, troublesome and hell-like because then we would always be busy defining and visualizing our life and all our relationships through the prism of our relationship with this particular person. Many people believe that ‘my enemy is your enemy and if you wish to be friends with me, you better sever all your ties with my enemy’, a very wrong approach. It is very much like George Bush telling the rest of the world (as he actually did in the wake of the terrorist attack on the twin towers of the World Trade Centre in New York) saying that if ‘if you are not with us, you are against us, even if you are not exactly or actually siding with the said enemy’. One’s relationship with someone should not be made conditional on his/her relationship with others. If we were to do that, the entire edifice of social superstructure would crumble including our very own personal life.

We should always remember that our biggest enemy is our own evil self or evil deed. It is possible to escape every other enemy, but we can not fly from the relentless pursuit of our own evil deed. So, we should always be mindful of our deeds.

Don’t wear your heart on your sleeve:
There are always going to be some people who would just not mend their ways howsoever good you may be to them. It is in their blood or character to continue playing mischiefs. You just can not help your relationship with such people. Just pity them and pray to God for forgiving them for ‘they do not know what they are doing’. It is quite possible that we may not like such persons. Fine. But we need not wear our hatred on our sleeves. Also, we should not try to get even with such people as someone has rightly said, ‘as long as we are trying to get even with someone, we cannot get ahead of him or her.’ Revengefulness is not a human but a satanic attribute, so discard it. As far as possible, try to have some sort of working relationship with everyone.

Don’t respond to ‘nonsense’.
We should avoid responding to nonsense and nonsensical things said about us and about anything. Response to ‘nonsense’ is often ‘nonsense’ and is completely nonsensical. There shall always be people who love talking ‘shit’ about you and about anything. Just don’t respond to them. As a Hindi proverb says, if you indulge yourself in mud-slinging, you would definitely end up soiling yourself. So, silence is the best response here. Often they try to provoke us into responding to their indiscretions and in our bid to match them word for word, we fall to their levels. Don’t fall into their trap. Just listen and pity such people. If they are even remotely right about what they are telling, then try to do a wee bit of introspection and rumination over the same and then let your action speak rather than allowing yourself to stoop to their levels.

Bend you must, but you should never crawl:
Do not be someone who would not budge from one’s declared stand or position. Always keep some room for adjustment and as far as possible, try to accommodate others standpoint. Also, as long as it does not interfere with the basic tenets of your values and does not prick your conscience, try to make a compromise in the better interests of overall peace and harmony in your life. As they say, if you can not change the world, then change yourself. If you can not defeat them, join them. Sometimes, one should also be prepared to apologize and compromise if the same promises to serve the larger interests, but do not do it if it the same makes your continued survival or existence devoid of dignity.

But in inter-personal relationships, we should not stoop and bend beyond a point. While you should always show a flexible approach in improving a relationship, you should always be first to apologize and compromise, be ready to forget the past if the same can give a chance of survival to a failing relationship, but some would want you to walk all the miles all alone, without them taking a single step. Your gentleness and humility should not be read and construed as a sign of weakness. After all, it always takes two to tango. The burden of correcting a relationship should not lie solely with you. If you have taken ten steps, the same must be responded by, at least, one step from the other side. Bend you must, but you should never crawl.

Be in command of your SELF:
Often while seeking command over others, we forget to have command over ourself and one who does not have a command over his/her own SELF, would not be able to command anything. Ergo, we should be in complete command of our self, more specifically our evil self. It is this evil self which provokes and goads us into doing something which would eventuate in harming our own interests. So, howsoever successful may we become, we should always be humble, yet be firm and dignified. We should learn not to be swayed by praise of our near and dear ones. Often this praise goes to our head and makes a home there in the form of our arrogance and then, like a cancer, makes it dysfunctional. In fact, the more we are proud of ourself and the more we exalt ourself, the more we despise others and then we would be left alone, without any company because at the height of your arrogance, you are always alone, without fail.

Control your anger:
Justifying one’s anger, a man said, “I lose my temper, but it's all over in a minute,” “So is the hydrogen bomb,” replied George Sweeting. “But think of the damage it produces!” so, the best time for you to hold your tongue is the time when you feel you must say something or burst. Anger is something which has destroyed many, as it takes away our power to think thereby goading us to take such decisions as are suicidal to us. Remember as to how Othelo killed his newly-wed wife Desdemona based on unverified untruths from Iago, eventually precipitating his own ruin. So, we should try to overpower our temper tantrums, otherwise it would overpower us much to our own detriment. Don't try to get rid of bad temper by losing it.

Gandhi was right when he said, ‘We should not get angry when we know that we are wrong and the other person is right. And we should have no reason to get angry when we know that we are right, while the other person is outright wrong’.

Believe me, nothing gives a person so much advantage over another as to remain always cool and unruffled under all circumstances. And people generally quarrel because they can not argue. Anger is, actually, a momentary madness. We should learn to control it otherwise it would control us. So, keeping our cool in adverse situation is the real test of our character. The man who acquires the ability to take full possession of his own mind may take possession of anything else to which he is justly entitled.

Remember, all arguments have two sides, but no ends. It doesn't pay to say too much when you are mad enough to choke. For the word that stings the deepest is the word that is never spoken. So, let the other fellow wrangle till the storm has blown away, then he'll do a heap of thinking about the things you didn't say. As Aristotle had said, ‘It is really so easy to fly into a passion. Anybody can do that, but to be angry with the right person to the right extent and at the right time with the right object and in the right way - that is not easy, and it is not everyone who can do it.’
Control your desire:
‘My belief is that to have no want is divine and to have as few as possible is to come next to being divine’, said Socrates. We should be master of our senses and of our desires. We should be in firm command of them than the other way round. But most importantly, a man must become the supreme ruler of himself. When he is able to do so, he shall also cease to have a desire to rule over others. In our bid to desire more and more, we forget to enjoy what we already have. ‘Just try and stand on one leg and then you would realize as to what a blessing it is to have two legs’, G K Chesterton had said. As someone said, he was sad because he had no shoes till he met a man who had no legs.





Money is not everything:
Money is not everything in life. With money, we can buy a house, but not a home. With money, we can buy a clock, but not time. With money, we can buy a bed, but not sleep. With money, we can buy a book, but not knowledge. With money, we can buy a doctor or medicines, but not good health. With money, we can buy a position, but not respect. With money, we can buy blood, but not life. With money, we can buy sex, but not love. Money is something which is limited, is without a head or a heart and, as such, has severe limitations. There are many more things, much more important than money and wealth in life. So, in stead of running after money, we should try living our life with whatever we have without stopping to try for more, but without the same taking our peace, contentment and happiness away. Wealth, actually, is our ability to lead a happy life. Money has to be our servant, otherwise we would become its servant. Wealth, after all, is a relative thing since he that has little but wants less is richer than he that has much but wants more.

Don’t bother about others’ personal affairs:
More often than not, it has been seen that many of us waste our time and energy thinking about those people’s personal affairs and activities which actually do not matter to us or do not relate to us by any stretch of imagination. Even then, we feel overly exercised about it. Many, in fact, are more unhappy with other’s happiness or success rather than bothering about their own self, their own problems and being happy with their own success. Care and concern about others are okay as long as you want to help them and more so when the same is solicited. Unsolicited help is often not seen approvingly and is often resented as an unnecessary interference in others affairs. But taking interest in others outright personal and private life and their problems is something we should always desist from.

We should also desist from poking fun at others’ woes and troubles, from being happy and gloating at others’ problem and from being jealous at others’ success. Remember, such an aptitude and attitude are not healthy and are reflective of a sick mind and a dubious character. We should rather learn to admire than to envy and compare ourselves with others. Comparisons with others are good and healthy only as long as they help motivate us uplift ourself by our further effort rather than making us dissatisfied, keeping us permanently in sulk. But, yes do not flinch from saying good words about others, congratulating others on their success and encouraging them further. Believe me, if we start spending a good amount of our precious time in ‘self improvement’, then we would hardly have time to criticize others, to poke fun at others, to be jealous of others and to bother about others personal life.










Salient Points of This Chapter

· Never be vindictive or revengeful against your enemies.
· Try to neutralize the enmity through your own good intentions and behaviour towards your enemies.
· Your reactions to enemy moves should be measured and mature rather than impulsive and reactive and should be intended at making the opponents realize their mistake and winning them back.
· We should not do to others what we would not like to be done unto ourselves. Its flip side is equally true i.e. doing things to others as we would love to be done unto us.
· We should not fight too much. Or else the enemy would know our art of war.
· One’s relationship with someone should not be made conditional on his/her relationship with others.
· As long as we are trying to get even with someone, we cannot get ahead of him or her.
· Our gentleness should not be read and construed as a sign of weakness. Bend we must, but we should never crawl.
· Always keep some room for adjustment and as far as possible, try to accommodate others standpoint.
· We should try to overpower our temper tantrums, otherwise it would overpower us much to our own detriment. Don't try to get rid of bad temper by losing it.
· Keeping our cool in adverse situation is the real test of our character.
· In our bid to desire more and more, we forget to enjoy what we already have.
· Taking interest in others outright personal and private life and their problems is something we should always desist from. We should always desist from poking fun at others’ woes and troubles.





Love Life. It Is Beautiful.


Life means struggle:
Often, we keep complaining of life’s troubles, that life is a journey strewn with thorns. But as they say, if everything were good and hunky-dory in life and in the world, then why were we brought to this world. If everything in the world is good the way it is, then we definitely don’t have any place in it. As someone said and rightly so, ‘Always see the world fit for positive changes because if the world is okay the way it is, then we have no place in it.’ Remember, an optimist sees the doughnut, while a pessimist sees only the hole.


If we have been brought to this world, then we have to find a role for ourselves to improve the world around us. And believe me, if everything were to turn good and ideal in life, then life would really become very boring, dull and drab, without any colours, without any challenge and excitement. In fact, the best way to escape from a problem is to solve it.





Let me tell you a story. One day, a small opening appeared on a cocoon. A man, sitting nearby, sat and watched for the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through that little hole. Then, it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could and it could not go any further. So the man decided to help the butterfly. He took a pair of scissors and opened the cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily. But it had a withered body; it was tiny and had shrivelled wings.

The man continued to watch because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would open, enlarge and expand, to be able to support the butterfly’s body, and become firm. Neither happened. In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a withered body and shrivelled wings. It was never able to fly. What the man, in his kindness and his goodwill did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening, were God’s way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings, so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon. Sometimes, struggles are exactly what we need in our life.

Similarly, if God allowed us to go through our life without any obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as strong as we could have been. We would have never been able to fly, like the butterfly. That is why, when the man asked for strength, God gave him difficulties to make him strong. When he asked for wisdom, God gave him problems to solve. When he asked for prosperity, God gave him a brain and brawn to work with. When the man asked for courage, God gave him obstacles to overcome. When he asked for love, God gave him troubled people to help. When he asked for favours, God gave him opportunities. Man received nothing he wanted but he received everything he needed. So, we should live life without fear and confront all our obstacles with complete conviction and determination, evincing the confidence to overcome them. In difficult moments, we should behave like a duck. We should keep calm and unruffled on the surface, but should keep paddling away like crazy underneath.

Do you know that an eagle knows exactly when a storm is approaching, long before it breaks? The eagle will fly to some high spot and wait for the winds to come. When the storm hits, it sets its wings so that the wind will pick it up and lift it above the storm. While the storm rages below, the eagle is soaring high above it. The eagle does not escape the storm. It simply uses the storm to lift it higher. It rises piggyback on the winds that bring the storm.
When the storms of life come upon us - and all of us shall experience them in some measure- we can rise above them by setting our minds and our beliefs towards God. The storms do not have to overcome us. We can allow God's power within ourself to lift us above them. God enables us to ride the winds of the storm that bring sickness, tragedy, failure and disappointment in our lives. We can soar above the storm.


Remember, it is not the burdens of life that weigh us down, it is how we handle them. Also remember, there can be no oil, if olives are not squeezed, no wine if grapes are not pressed, and no perfume if flowers are not crushed. So, if you have you felt any pressure in life today, do not worry. God is just bringing out the best in you.
Allow yourself to go through a rough patch:
Once in a while, we should allow ourself to go through a rough patch which may include a series of failures, a bout of humiliations and a slew of deceptions or duplicitous/deceitful behaviour by our near and dear ones. Such things are necessary in life as the same allow us to indulge in deep introspection and genuine self analysis. Such an exercise often results in the change of our strategies, our world-view, our vision, our priorities, our values, our perception of the people and the world around us, something which is very necessary for our continued survival and our dogged but dignified living. But we should make it a point not to be overly overwhelmed with sadness or sorrow with our occasional failures or problems. If we keep our eyes clouded with tears, an opportunity may be lost. So we should keep our vision clear. So, even if you were a patient, you should never lose your patience.





Make the world beautiful:
Remember one thing, all the while we keep complaining about the world around us, but we ourselves do nothing to improve it. The world would actually be a much more beautiful place to live in if all of us could care a bit for the people and creatures around us. Like Kennedy would have said, ‘Ask not what the society has done for you, ask what you have done for the society’. A little empathy and sympathy for the world around us would make the world a much better place to live in. God has made fragrant flowers of us all. But how many times have we stopped and bothered to spread our sweetness. If we have not done it so far, we should do it right away.

The ability to do good is the privilege that God has bestowed upon us and we should benefit from the same as much as possible. After all, as they say, smell stays in the hand that gives the rose. Remember, some people are good despite the tempting opportunities to be bad, while some are bad for simply the want of opportunities to be good. As Plato would have said, ‘Man is actually and naturally good’. It is just the circumstances that make him/her bad. So, if your circumstances and fortunes are favourable, do not waste the God-send opportunities of doing good and being good to the people around you.

All of us who are leading a decently comfortable life are the privileged lot and God’s chosen ones sent to the world with a purpose. As Mother Teresa would tell us, ‘what God has given us is not to be kept under lock and key but to be shared with the deserving’. Someone rightly said, ‘What I gave, I have; what I spent, I had but what I kept, I lost’. And remember, a good deed is never lost. He who sows courtesy reaps friendship and he who plants kindness gathers love. And the highest reward for a man’s toil is not what he gets for it but what he becomes by it. The act of doing good is itself a great reward. Hands that help are always better than the hands that pray.

Almost all of us develop lifestyle and habits that please our senses, and most of the time we are slovenly happy without any concern for others. In fact, some also believe that if we really start caring for others or start getting unhappy or concerned with others’ unhappiness or concerns, then we would make our life hellish. Not really. Sometimes even others problems, if left unsolved, may affect our own life very negatively, bringing us ruin. Just have a look at the following story:
A mouse looked through the crack in the wall to see the farmer and his wife open a package. “What food might this contain?” The mouse wondered - he was devastated to discover it was a mousetrap. Retreating to the farmyard, the mouse proclaimed the warning. “There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!”
The chicken clucked and scratched, raised her head and said, “Mr. Mouse, I can tell this is a grave concern to you but it is of no consequence to me. I cannot be bothered by it.” The mouse turned to the pig and told him, “There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!” The pig sympathized, but said, I am so very sorry, Mr. Mouse, but there is nothing I can do about it but pray. Be assured you are in my prayers.” The mouse turned to the cow and said, “There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!” The cow said, “Wow, Mr. Mouse. I’m sorry for you, but it’s no skin off my nose.”

So, the mouse returned to the house, head down and dejected, to face the farmer’s mousetrap — alone. That very night a sound was heard throughout the house — like the sound of a mousetrap catching its prey. The farmer’s wife rushed to see what was caught. In the darkness, she did not see it was a venomous snake whose tail the trap had caught. The snake bit the farmer’s wife. The farmer rushed her to the hospital and she returned home with a fever.

Everyone knows you treat a fever with fresh chicken soup, so the farmer took his hatchet to the farmyard for the soup’s main ingredient. But his wife’s sickness continued, so friends and neighbors came to sit with her around the clock. To feed them, the farmer butchered the pig. The farmer’s wife did not get well; she died. So many people came for her funeral, and the farmer had the cow slaughtered to provide enough meat for all of them. The mouse looked upon it all from his crack in the wall with great sadness. So, the next times you hear someone is facing a problem, and think it doesn’t concern you, remember — when one of us is threatened, we are all at risk.

We have to know exactly what to do, how to do and when to do and in what proportion. But yes, before thinking of helping others, you should yourself be first capable enough, in a position to help others. As they say, charity always begins at home. So, help yourself before thinking of helping others. Once you have taken care of yourself, go out and help the other fellow human beings.
Most of us keep living as if we would never die and we die as if we never lived. So, we should live as if we were to die tomorrow and learn and do good as if we were to live forever. But like a true gentleman, like an angel, keep doing good without expecting anything in return, as expectations of return may result in unhappiness, sorrow or heart-burn for you. But, as a general rule, you yourself should always remember that those who receive a benefit or favour should never forget it, while those who bestow it should never remember it.
Here goes a story about two friends who were walking through the desert. During some point of the journey, they had an argument, and one friend slapped the other one in the face. The one who got slapped was hurt, but without saying anything, wrote in the sand: “TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE.” They kept on walking until they found an oasis, where they decided to take a bath. The one, who had been slapped, got stuck in the mire and started drowning, but the friend, who had slapped him, saved him. After the friend recovered from the near drowning, he wrote on a stone: “TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SAVED MY LIFE.”
The friend who had slapped and saved his best friend asked him, “After I hurt you, you wrote in the sand and now, you write on a stone, why?” The other friend replied: “When someone hurts us, we should write it down in sand where winds of forgiveness can erase it away. But, when someone does something good for us, we must engrave it in stone where no wind can ever erase it.”

So, we should all learn to write our hurts in the sand, and to painstakingly carve our benefits in stone. Thankfulness, too, is a divine attribute. Cultivate it. Remember the favour done to you, and try to pay back when required to do so.
If we notice carefully, then we would find that the world is actually moving with us or moving around us or is actually fixated on us. Has any of us ever thought as to why does this happen? Despite the universe being so huge and there being so many characters and players therein, why is it that the world seem to be fixated on us? As if God were constantly watching us through his spy camera. Why it is not focused elsewhere? This really needs to be followed very closely. This very fact should make us realize that the God has really assigned each of us a separate role on this world stage and all of us are there to play a particular role.

Now, what role do we choose for our self is something that totally depends on us? We wish to play negative or positive role is something that we have to decide. But one thing is clear. We definitely deserve and need to lead a life which is superior to the animal life. The life of an animal/ a beast does not go beyond the pleasures of the flesh, including eating, drinking, defecating and procreating. God has endowed the human being with the capacity to think and create and that is why humans have not only won and survived the existential race, but also dominate the forces of nature, proving their superiority thereby. But we definitely can do much better than we have done so far. While we judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, the others always judge us by what we have already done.

We should never forget the eternal truth that this human existence is ephemeral and transient. All the worldly possessions, we keep fighting about thereby debasing our humanity, are finally to be left behind in this mortal world only. The only thing that survives us and lives forever is our good deed, our good name and fame. What matters most in life is not what we do for ourselves but what we do for others. And believe me by doing good to others, we actually do good to ourself. After all, the good name and fame earned are definitely and solely ours and would survive us even after we depart from the world stage. All the great men we remember is because of what they have done for the others and for the society and not for what they did for themselves and their family.

Remember the great inventor Alexander Graham Bell invented telephone, but the man could never call his own lovely wife and lovelier daughter. You know why? Because his wife and daughter were deaf, they could never hear and enjoy the benefits of the instrument that Bell invented, yet this fact did not discourage Graham Bell and the man still went to invent the great instrument, which has become so indispensable part of our day to day life. For Graham Bell thought about the society and left a greater contribution before he died than he actually did for his own family.







Help others to win:
While the feeling of winning is wonderful, but the feeling of helping others to win is just glorious.
Some times ago, at the Seattle Olympics, nine athletes, all mentally or physically challenged, were standing on the start line for the 100 metre race. The gun was fired and the race began. Not everyone was running, but everyone wanted to participate and win. They ran in threes, a boy tripped and fell, did a few somersaults and started crying. The other eight heard him crying. They slowed down and looked behind them. A girl with Down’s syndrome sat down next to him, hugged him gently and asked, “Feeling better now?” Then, all nine walked shoulder to shoulder to the finish line. They stopped and came back. All of them. The whole crowd stood up and applauded. And the applause lasted a very long time.


People who witnessed this event still rave/talk about it. Why? Because deep down inside us, we all know that the most important thing in life is much more than winning for ourselves. It is not the winning that matters, but wanting to win does but the most important thing in this life is to help others to win. Even if that means slowing down and changing our own race. A candle loses nothing, if it is used to light another one. Here, we should also remember that everyone is attracted by beauty and quality but rare is the person who helps the ugly and the fallen ones. So, next time when you decide to help someone, go on to help anyone and everyone in real need of such a help, without any discrimination.
A certain man planted a rose and watered it faithfully and before it blossomed, he examined it. He saw the bud that would soon blossom, but noticed thorns upon the stem and he thought, “How can any beautiful flower come from a plant burdened with so many sharp thorns?” Saddened by this thought, he neglected to water the rose, and just before it was ready to bloom, it died.
So is it with many people. Within every soul, there is a rose. The God-like qualities planted in us at birth, grow amid the thorns of our faults. Many of us look at ourselves and see only the thorns, the defects. We despair, thinking that nothing good can possibly come out from us. We neglect to water the good within us, and starve it before it eventually dies. We never realize our potential. We should, therefore, also learn to recognize ourself and our potential.
Some people do not see the rose within themselves. Therefore, someone else must help them to show it to them. One of the greatest gifts a person can possess is to be able to reach past the thorns of another, and find the rose within them.


This is one of the characteristic of love, to look at a person, know their true faults and accepting that person into your life, all the while recognizing the nobility in their soul. We should try helping others to make them realize that they can overcome their faults. If we show them the “rose” within themselves, they will conquer their thorns. Only then will they blossom many times over.

Our near and dear matter most to us :
Old friends and dependable relatives are like old shoes. Very comfortable. But the only way you can have a good friend is by becoming one yourself, as said Ralph Waldo Emerson. And a true friend is somebody who can make us become what we can. Just think and try to answer the following questions:
1. Name the five richest people in the world.
2. Name the last five Miss Universe pageant winners.
3. Name the last ten Nobel Prize winners.
4. Name the last ten winners of the Best Actor Oscar.

You must be finding yourself at loss. Are not you? True, but do not worry. No body remembers that. Always remember, all the applause soon dies away and all the trophies slowly start gathering dust. Winners are soon forgotten.



Now try answering these questions:
1. Name the three teachers who contributed to your education.
2. Name the three friends who helped you in your hour of need.
3. Think of a few people who made you feel special.
4. Name five people that you like to spend your time with.

It is more manageable and easier? Is not it? Actually, the people who mean something to our life are not rated “the best”, do not have the most money and haven’t won the greatest prizes. But they are definitely the ones who care about us, take care of us, those who, no matter what, stay close by. Think about it for a moment. Life is very short! And you, in which list are you? You don’t know? Let me give you a hand. You are not among the most “famous”, but you are definitely among those who may matter most to many people. To the world, you might be just one person. But to one person, you might be the whole world.
Therefore, we should learn to value our relationships more than we actually do. That is why they say that a friendship is not about becoming someone’s best person. It is more about finding a person who makes you be the best person that you can be. We should cherish our relationship with a person for not what he/she is or who he/she is but because what you are when you are with him/her. A relationship is, therefore, not about ‘it is your fault’, but it is about ‘I am sorry’; not ‘where are you?’, but about ‘I am right here for you’; not ‘how could you?’ but about ‘I understand’; not ‘I wish you were’ but about ‘I am thankful you are.’ Talking about marriage, it is said that we should not marry someone we can live with, but we should marry someone we can not live without. That is why they say that a successful marriage requires falling in love many times over and always with the same person.





















Salient Points of This Chapter

· A rough patch is necessary in life as the same allow us to indulge in deep introspection and genuine self analysis.
· Always see the world fit for positive changes because if the world is okay the way it is, then we have no place in it.
· If everything were to turn good and ideal in life, then life would really become very boring, dull and drab.
· In difficult moments, we should behave like a duck. We should keep calm and unruffled on the surface, but should keep paddling away like crazy underneath.
· It is not the burdens of life that weigh us down, it is how we handle them.
· The world would actually be a much more beautiful place to live in if all of us could care a bit for the people and creatures around us.
· The ability to do good is the privilege that God has bestowed upon us and we should benefit from the same. Remember, smell stays in the hand that gives the rose.
· Care and concern about others are okay as long as you want to help them and more so when the same is solicited.
· And a true friend is somebody who can make us become what we can.
· He who sows courtesy reaps friendship and he who plants kindness gathers love.
· The highest reward for a man’s toil is not what he gets for it but what he becomes by it. The act of doing good is itself a great reward.
· God has really assigned each of us a separate role on this world stage and all of us are there to play a particular role. Now, what role do we choose for our self is something that totally depends on us?
· We definitely deserve and need to lead a life which is superior to the animal life, where life does not go beyond the pleasures of the flesh, including eating, drinking, defecating and procreating.
· While we judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, the others always judge us by what we have already done.
· What matters most in life is not what we do for ourselves but what we do for others.
· While the feeling of winning is wonderful, but the feeling of helping others to win is just glorious.
· Most of us keep living as if we would never die and we die as if we never lived. So, we should live as if we were to die tomorrow and learn and do good as if we were to live forever.















Learn To Enjoy Life

Enjoy every moment and be happy in spite of Problems:
Often we are overly worried about our problems even though many of them can not be helped. We should actually leave such problems as they are and carry on with our normal activities. We should learn to be happy in spite of them.

Generally, we convince ourselves that our life will be better once we are married, have a baby, then another. Then we are frustrated because they reach adolescence and we must deal with them. Surely we’ll be happier when they grow out of the teen years. We tell ourselves our life will be better when our spouse gets his/her act together, when we have a nicer car, when we can take a vacation, when we finally retire.

The truth is that there is no better time to be happy than right now. If not, then when? Your life will always be full of challenges. It is better to admit as much and to decide to be happy in spite of it all.

For the longest time, it seemed that life was about to start. The real life. But there was always some obstacle along the way, an ordeal to get through, some work to be finished, some time to be given, and a bill to be paid. Then life would start. One has to understand that these obstacles are life. There is, in fact, no road to happiness. Happiness is the road. So, we should enjoy every moment.

We should, therefore, stop waiting for the school to end, for a return to school, to lose ten pounds, to gain ten pounds, for work to begin, to get
married, for Friday evening, for Sunday morning, waiting for a new car, for our mortgage to be paid off, for spring, for summer, for fall, for winter, for the first or the fifteenth of the month, for our song to be played on the radio, to die, to be reborn before deciding to be happy. Happiness is a voyage, not a destination. There is no better time to be happy than now. We should live and enjoy every moment as it comes. So, enjoy your life today because yesterday has gone and tomorrow may never come. Life is like ice. Enjoy it before it melts.

Never forget enjoying life:
So, we should always remember one thing. In our bid to get to our coveted goal, we should never ever tie ourself up so much as to make our life dull and drab. Life is beautiful and human life is more so. So, even while we go about our preparations for the realization of our dream, we should not stop enjoying life. We should have some time also for fun and frolicking. We should not forget to chill out after a grueling round of hard work. We should try to fit in our fun time and fun things in a way as to not to hinder the advancement of our goal. All that is being suggested here is that we should try to mix and match our goal and fun activities in such a way that it takes us nearer to our goal.





Don’t bother about something you can’t help:
Generally, many of us keep worried and concerned about some thing, which, actually, we can not help and can not change. We should not be unnecessarily exercised about such things. We should, as much as we can do, tackle the problem at hand, but when we find that it is something we can not do anything about, just stop being bothered about it, without ceasing to do the part you are supposed to do. It is like the result of an exam or consequence of an action. You definitely can not predict as to how a particular result of a particular examination would be like or what would be the consequence of a particular action. So, you should not be overly bothered about this part. But you can definitely see to it that all the required effort and planning goes into the preparations for the exam or taking of the action. This truism is something which has been famously testified to by the Lord Krishna in ‘Geeta’, where he says that we should do our job without bothering about the consequence.
Learn to be happy and contented:
A life without problems would be like having only one colour in the spectrum or eating the same food every day. If there were no problems in life and if they were not difficult, they would cease to be problems. Remember, a sailor sails against the tide, not with the tide as the kite or the aero plane flies against the wind, and not with the wind. So, in stead of seeking happiness all the time, we should try to learn to live with whatever we have. Happiness is, indeed, like our crooked shadow. The more we run after it, the more it would run away from us. Peace of mind or peace in life comes not from the absence of conflicts but from the ability to cope with them.
Often, we try to achieve and get more than we need. While dissatisfaction is the spring of human progress, the same should not be allowed to distort our ethics and values, while also snatching our peace of mind. Often, in our bid to survive and succeed, we try to ride roughshod over others, something we should never do. Achievement at the expense of the other, the poor and the deprived is an evil which never go very far. In fact, it is possible to escape any and every enemy, but we can not fly from the relentless pursuit of our own evil deed.

In deed, by seeking more than what one has, one actually hinders oneself from enjoying what one already has.

Keep a positive attitude:
We should grow the habit of healthy and independent thinking. As a land is improved by sowing various seeds, so is the mind by exercising with different studies. Regular studies and thinking develop our Self and help us develop right attitudes. In fact, with a slight alteration of one’s attitude, human beings can actually alter the course of their life. We should always have a positive attitude and a positive outlook towards life. A pessimist always sees the glass half empty, while the optimist would see the glass half full. We should learn to cultivate positive attitude to see our glass of life always as half full.



Salient Points of This Chapter

· There is no better time to be happy than right now. Your life will always be full of challenges. So, it is better to be happy in spite of it all.
· There is, in fact, no road to happiness. Happiness is the road. So, we should enjoy every moment.
· Don’t bother about something you can’t help without ceasing to do what you are supposed to do.
· We should always be positive about the life.
Peace of mind or peace in life comes not from the absence of conflicts but from the ability to cope with them.











Building Our Self to Build the Nation

A society gets what it deserves:
A society is known by its people and as it is said, the people get what they deserve. And for any place and people, it is the civil society, with common citizens as its constituents, which is said to be its torchbearer and conscience keeper.

All is not hunky dory with our civil society:
But definitely all is not so hunky dory with our civil society today, inhabiting the civilisational entity which Nehru discovered as India. Spurred by the demonstration effect as experienced through the boom in the means of information and communication, there has taken place a revolution of rising expectations. And these expectations are from the state and society which often do not match the latter’s capacity to fulfill the same and when they find these expectations not being fulfilled, then certain negative excrudescences are experienced which often result in harms and hurts to our nascent nation.

We aspire to be great but do nothing:
All of us aspire to be a great power, but shall do almost nothing by way of our own behaviour that are becoming of citizens of a great country. Believe it or not, our values and ethics are at an all time low despite those stupendous growth figures.

Infused with a ‘chalta hai’ attitude, we do anything and everything that suit us and our interests, but shall shy away by miles to do things that actually evince a strong character behoving citizens of a great country. We resent a bandh or a strike, but we shall not flinch from calling and participating in one such bandh, strike or unruly procession when it suits us, without any concern for others. We also destroy our own national property during a bandh or a strike and then complain about the government not doing enough.

While almost all of us keep whining about our government being inefficient, about our laws being too old or too bad, about our municipalities do not cleaning the streets, about our transport system being the worst in the world, about our mails never reaching their destination in time, and about our country having gone to the dogs, about it turning into an absolute pig sty. We keep on complaining and saying such things. But have we ever paused and thought as to what we do about them. John F Kennedy rightly said, ‘Ask not what the country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country’.

When out of country, we are at our best:
When out of country, we are at our best. When at Singapore, we don’t throw cigarette butts on the roads and we dutifully come back to the parking lot to punch our parking ticket if we have over-stayed there rather than sulking and trying to sneak away without payment, as we often do in our own country. Similarly, we don’t dare to eat in public during Ramadan while in Dubai or we don’t dare to go out without our head covered in Jeddah because the local laws demand that. We don’t chuck an empty coconut shell
anywhere other than the garbage pail on the beaches in Australia and New Zealand nor do we spit paan on the streets of Tokyo. We also don’t dare to speed beyond the stipulated limit in Washington DC and then try to get away with it by throwing our weight with the traffic cop.

In countries like US and Japan, every dog owner is has to clean up after his or her pet has done the job. But we never do the same, when in our own country. We expect the government to clean up, but we ourself are not going to stop throwing garbage all over the place nor are we going to learn the proper use of bathrooms, even though we expect the railways to provide clean bathrooms. We want our Airlines to provide the best of food and toiletries, but we are never going to stop pilfering at the first available opportunity.

We go to the polls to choose a government and after that we forsake everything, forgetting all our responsibilities and duties. We sit back wanting to be pampered and expect the government to do anything and everything, whilst our own contribution is totally nil or, at times, even negative.

We say one thing and do the other:
When it comes to burning social issues, we make loud drawing room protestations but continue to do the reverse at home. Our excuse being that, ‘It is the whole system which has to change.’ The system, very conveniently for us, consists of our neighbours, other households, other cities, other communities and the government, but definitely not us. When it comes to us actually making a positive contribution to the system, we lock ourselves into a safe cocoon and look into the distance at countries far away and wait for a Mr. Clean to come along with a magic wand and work miracles for us with a majestic sweep of his hand or else we leave the country and run away.

We should realize that a country is made of people and unless and until its people, the basic constituents forming it, value themselves, their country, their rights and, more importantly, their duties, we shall continue to grovel in the dust.

We need to change the way we protest:
What is more important is to realize the continued usefulness or futility of the means adopted for the achievement of the goal or purpose, howsoever noble or lofty they may be, we set. While we definitely need a more informed and educated society with a strong-positive value system and strong institutions in the form of strong-principled executive, legislature, judiciary and media led by creditable people with strong leadership qualities and well-placed spinal chord, we also need a strong civil society and each should derive sustenance from each other, feeding forward and backward in a healthy atmosphere.

The civil society has to outgrow its cynicism and imbibe a sense of responsibility often expected of the members of a developed society. The national feeling has often been found wanting in our civil society which has got used to ‘sab chalta hai’ (read ‘everything goes’) attitude and has often been found putting self before service. After all, how can you justify the acts of sabotage or vandalism during a protest or a strike, often in support of very justified demands? We have to realize that what we are destroying are our own national property, created out of our own hard-earned money given as tax and, if destroyed, would again have to be rebuilt from the same money, thereby preempting such money from going into new areas for our own welfare, for the creation of new public goods. There was a Gandhi in this country who always advised against such violence or vandalism. In fact, even his ways of non-violent Satyagraha and civil disobedience have to be suitably modified to be creatively used in a changed time-frame to be relevant today to our society, which is an independent and sovereign country now. What one is trying to suggest here is that we should find new, innovative ways to express dissent and make demands in keeping with the genius of time and place as Gandhi used to do or as Japanese are said to be doing. When Japanese go on strike, in stead of stopping production and indulging in vandalism, they, in fact, increase production, while tying a black badge on their arm as a mark of protest which is not at all negative or destructive.

The silent majority has to be more assertive:
In fact, there is said to be a silent majority in this country which not only remains muted about its own dissenting views, but also remains silent about the negative roles of others. These people neither go out to vote nor participate in such acts of omissions and commissions. They, thus, tolerate the wanton waywardness of the assertive minority. Hence, you have a somewhat despairing situation of doom and gloom all around and it is rightly said, ‘you get what you deserve’. So, these members of our civil society should wake up from their deep slumber, come forward, and should register their presence in a more constructive and positive ways unlike what has happened so far. When we would have done that, we would have achieved yet another milestone in our march to be a developed country.

There is still the Great Hope:
The way the Indian civil society has conducted itself so far and responded to the crises like the Kargil War or a Gujarat earthquake or a Bombay Blast or the way it has been reacting to myriad negative developments through the informed tools of cooperative and collaborative protest in sustained manner give ample hopes for the shape of things to come. The golden bird that India was would slowly, but surely rise and spread its wings over the world firmament and regain its deserved place in the sun sooner than later.











Salient Points of This Chapter

· A society gets what it deserves.
· We all aspire to be a great power but do almost nothing becoming of citizens of a great country.
· We do anything and everything that suit us and our interests.
· Ask not what the country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country.
· When out of country, we are at our best. But we never do the same when in our own country.
· We go to the polls to choose a government and after that forsake all our responsibilities and duties.
· We make loud drawing room protestations about burning social issues, but continue to do the reverse at home.
· The common citizen has to outgrow his/her cynicism and imbibe a sense of responsibility expected of the members of a developed society.




















Last
But
Not
The
Least







Now that we have discussed a lot many things about different aspects related to personality development as well as inter-personal relationships, we should also know that even though many of us keep trying to improve our ways, being influenced or motivated by great inspirational words or stories, yet we find that in certain situations we end up behaving in ways we ourselves would not have contemplated or behaved while being in the best of our mind. It also happens that we want to become something, but end up being something or we want to do one thing, but end up doing the other in the heat of the moment and despite our efforts to the contrary. Why does this happen?

This happens because each of us is different. Howsoever may we try, we are all different from each other and have our own individuality or character, much more different from any other member of the society. So, even though we want to or try to become something or do something, our inherent character would always goad us to do or behave in certain ways. In fact, believe it or not, there is something called genetic planning or genetic predetermination which has already been done for all of us. Believe it or not, the genes, which we are biologically endowed with right since our birth predetermine certain things, in many cases also the way we behave or do things. Then, there is the destiny which also has some planning for us. Many of you would notice that your kid is developing, cultivating and learning such behaviour which you think you never taught or tried best against. In many cases, you can not help such things.

But you need not worry. While this genetic predetermination and destiny do impact on us, but not beyond a negligible point. And you can get over both of them by dint of your effort. There have been numerous people born with great genetic or physical handicaps or were brought up in adverse family or societal conditions, yet the same did not stop them to become what they went on to become.

There goes an incident from the life of the great Greek philosopher Socrates. Once in the city of Athens, there came a very great astrologer and physiognomic endowed with a great power of clairvoyance and this man was telling the fortune of any one and every one with great precision. So, there was a great crowd, congregated around him trying to know its fortune. People were in real awe of his power to tell the truth about every one’s life.

Then, suddenly someone pointed towards a bearded man in the crowd asking the astrologer to tell about his real character. The astrologer said, ‘This man is, by character, the greatest treacherous and lecherous person around, the most untrustworthy and the most depraved, the most cunning and the most non-patriotic person he has ever seen’. People were surprised as the man in question was the great Socrates himself. They looked at him. Socrates smiled and replied, ‘Whatever the fortune teller says is right. I do feel like what he says, but I never behave the way I feel. I have learnt to restrain my evil self and I have mastered my evil desires and channeled my energies into positive thinking and positive deeds, so no body knows about my real character which is never expressed’. True, we do not know Socrates for all those evil attributes or the character which the astrologer revealed. We all know him for what he was in his life and for what he did and left to the world.

So, while all of us should keep trying to smooth out the rough edges of our personality and character, but believe it or not, some or many of us can not do so beyond a point because something is said easily than done. Even motivation and determination to succeed is not something in good supply in every one of us. So while many succeed by dint of their strong determination in spite of adverse conditions including the poor genetic endowment, many do not succeed despite positive and favourable conditions simply because they lack the motivation and determination to do so. This is called motivational capital, which is more often than not a product of our circumstances and conditions in which we are brought up.

While the same circumstances and conditions may act to kill this motivation and determinations in some cases, yet the same circumstances and conditions may combine to kindle strong motivation and determination in many to lift him/her to great heights. And it is well nigh difficult to explain it away. The faintest explanation can be attributed again to genetic mapping and destiny but again with strong determination (as biographies of many great men prove) man has moved mountains and scaled new heights every time his/her destiny or circumstances has challenged him/her, so there is no reason why he/she can not do it again.

In all this, the parents have a great role to play. The parents should be careful right from the beginning to see to it that they bring up their child in right conditions, nurture positive habits in them and motivate them right from the beginning in an atmosphere which is healthy and stimulating for the child’s growth. The state should also think of innovative interventions so that there is not only the equality of opportunities but there is also the equality of circumstances or conditions in which a man or a woman grows up and tries to build his/her destiny.

But again to repeat my own words as said in the foregoing lines, if every one in the world were to become good or if everyone were to start behaving the way this book or many others have suggested, then life would become very dull and drab as then life would become very patterned and predictable and progress always defies patterns and predictability. While many of us would still behave or conduct ourselves the way our individual character predisposes us despite us wanting to do otherwise, often verging on negative, one would still suggest that success and successful personality are something which can not be mastered just by way of reading a book or mechanically transposing a particular behaviour onto oneself for a while and then chucking the same, if found to be not working. All those things said above have to be carefully and painstakingly imbibed, lived and made one’s second nature, otherwise any learning taken from here or anywhere would not take you anywhere and any further. So, if you have decided to change yourself today, do it carefully and honestly, with your complete devotion, dedication, determination and by putting your heart and soul into it.






Last but not the least
· I wish you all enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
· I wish you all enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
· I wish you all enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
· I wish you all enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.
· I wish you all enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
· I wish you all enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
· I wish you all enough ‘Hellos’ to get you through the final 'Good-bye.












Appendix













A to Z of stress management
A lways take time for yourself, at least 30 minutes per day.B e aware of your own stress meter: Know when to step back andcool down.C oncentrate on controlling your own situation, without controllingeverybody else.D aily exercise will burn off the stress chemicals.E at lots of fresh fruit, veggies, bread and water, give your body thebest for it to perform at its best.F orgive others, don't hold grudges and be tolerant -- not everyoneis as capable as you.G ain perspective on things, how important is the issue?H ugs, kisses and laughter: Have fun and don't be afraid to share yourfeelings with others.I dentify stressors and plan to deal with them better next time.J udge your own performance realistically; don't set goals out ofyour own reach.K eep a positive attitude, your outlook will influence outcomes andthe way others treat you.L imit alcohol, drugs and other stimulants, they affect yourperception and behaviour.M anage money well, seek advice and save at least 10 per cent of whatyou earn.N o is a word you need to phrase differently.O utdoor activities by yourself, or with friends and family, can be agreat way to relax.P lay your favourite music rather than watching television.Q uit smoking: It is stressing your body daily, not to mentionkilling you too.R elationships: Nurture and enjoy them, learn to listen more and talkless.S leep well, with a firm mattress and a supportive pillow; don'toverheatyourself and allow plenty of ventilation.T reat yourself once a week with a massage, dinner out, the movies:Moderation is the key.U nderstand things from the other person's point of view.V erify information from the source before exploding.W orry less, it really does not get things completed better orquicker.X press: Make a regular retreat to your favourite space, makeholidays part of your yearly plan and budget.Y early goal setting: Plan what you want to achieve based on yourpriorities in your career, relationships, etc.Z est for life: Each day is a gift, smile and be thankful that you area part of the bigger picture.


THE BALANCE SHEET OF LIFE



Our Birth is our Opening Balance!
Our Death is our Closing Balance!Our Prejudiced Views are our Liabilities
Our Creative Ideas are our Assets
Heart is our Current Asset
Soul is our Fixed Asset
Brain is our Fixed Deposit
Thinking is our Current Account
Achievements are our Capital
Character & Morals, our Stock-in-Trade
Friends are our General Reserves
Values & Behaviour are our Goodwill
Patience is our Interest Earned
Love is our Dividend
Children are our Bonus Issues
Education is Brands / Patents
Knowledge is our Investment
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Some Pearls Of Wisdom


The most destructive habit..............................Worry
The greatest Joy..............................................Giving
The greatest loss..............................................Loss of self-respect
The most satisfying work................................Helping others
The ugliest personality trait.............................Selfishness
The most endangered species..........................Dedicated leaders
Our greatest natural resource..........................Our youth
The greatest "shot in the arm".........................Encouragement
The greatest problem to overcome..................Fear
The most effective sleeping pill......................Peace of mind
The most crippling failure disease..................Excuses
The most powerful force in life......................Love
The most dangerous pariah............................A gossiper
The world's most incredible computer….......The brain
The worst thing to be without....................... Hope
The deadliest weapon....................................The tongue
The two most power-filled words…..............I Can"
The greatest asset...........................................Faith
The most worthless emotion..........................Self-pity
The most beautiful attire................................SMILE!
The most prized possession...........................Integrity
The most powerful channel of communication.....Prayer
The most contagious spirit............................Enthusiasm
The most important thing in life...................Our good deeds.



















Be Ready To Face God While In Heaven

1. God won't ask what kind of car you drove; He'll ask how many people you drove who didn't have transportation.
2. God won't ask the square footage of your house; He'll ask how many people you welcomed into your home.
3. God won't ask about the clothes you had in your closet; He'll ask how many you helped to clothe.
4. God won't ask what your highest salary was; He'll ask if you compromised your character to obtain it.
5. God won't ask what your job title was; He'll ask if you performed your job to the best of our ability.
6. God won't ask how many friends you had; He'll ask how many people to whom you were a friend.
7. God won't ask in what neighborhood you lived; He'll ask how you treated your neighbors.
8. God won't ask about the color of your skin; He'll ask about the content of your character.
9. God won't ask why it took you so long to seek Salvation; He'll lovingly take you to your mansion in heaven and not to the gates of Hell.



The New Hare And Tortoise Story

Once upon a time a tortoise and a hare had an argument about who was faster. They decided to settle the argument with a race. They agreed on a route and started off the race. The hare shot ahead and ran briskly for some time. Then seeing that he was far ahead of the tortoise, he thought he'd sit under a tree for some time and relax before continuing the race. He sat under the tree and soon fell asleep. The tortoise plodding on overtook him and soon finished the race, emerging as the undisputed champ. The hare woke up and realized that he'd lost the race. The moral- “Slow and steady wins the race. This is the version of the story that we've all grown up with.” THE STORY DOESN'T END HERE There are few more interesting things. It continues as follows: The hare was disappointed at losing the race and he did some soul-searching. He realized that he'd lost the race only because he had been overconfident, careless and lax. If he had not taken things for granted, there's no way the tortoise could have beaten him. So he challenged the tortoise to another race. The tortoise agreed. This time, the hare went all out and ran without stopping from start to finish. He won by several miles. The moral - “Fast and consistent will always beat the slow and steady. It's good to be slow and steady; but it's better to be fast and reliable.” THE STORY DOESN'T END HERE The tortoise did some thinking this time, and realized that there's no way it can beat the hare in a race the way it was currently formatted. It thought for a while, and then challenged the hare to another race, but on a slightly different route. The hare agreed. They started off. In keeping with his self-made commitment to be consistently fast, the hare took off and ran at top speed until he came to a broad river. The finishing line was a couple of kilometres on the other side of the river. The hare sat there wondering what to do. In the meantime the tortoise trundled along, got into the river, swam to the opposite bank, continued walking and finished the race. The moral – “First identify your core competency and then change the playing field to suit your core competency.” THE STORY STILL HASN'T ENDED The hare and the tortoise, by this time, had become pretty good friends and they did some thinking together. Both realized that the last race could have been run much better. So they decided to do the last race again, but to run as a team this time. They started off, and this time the hare carried the tortoise till the riverbank. There, the tortoise took over and swam across with the hare on his back. On the opposite bank, the hare again carried the tortoise and they reached the finishing line together. They both felt a greater sense of satisfaction than they'd felt earlier.

The moral – “It's good to be individually brilliant and to have strong core competencies; but unless you're able to work in a team and harness each other's core competencies, you'll always perform below par because there will always be situations at which you’ll do poorly and someone else does well. Teamwork is mainly about situational leadership, letting the person with the relevant core competency for a situation take leadership. Note that neither the hare nor the tortoise gave up after failures. The hare decided to work harder and put in more effort after his failure. The tortoise changed his strategy because he was already working as hard as he could.” In life, when faced with failure, sometimes it is appropriate to work harder and put in more effort. Sometimes it is appropriate to change strategy and try something different. And sometimes it is appropriate to do both. The hare and the tortoise also learnt another vital lesson. When we stop competing against a rival and instead start competing against the situation, we perform far better. To sum up- the story of the hare and tortoise has much to say: Chief among them are that fast and consistent will always beat slow and steady; work to your competencies; pooling resources and working as a team will always beat individual performers; never give up when faced with failure; & finally, compete against the situation - not against a rival.
Courtesy: www.cacmci.com