Sweet-talk your way to success

Sweet-talk your way to success
Saumitra Mohan

Today’s fast-paced life, while becoming cosier by the day, is also becoming increasingly complex. And this complexity gets compounded with the kind of people we meet everyday, each with a different hue of character. The confusing medley of people we meet, makes our life more confusing and perplexing. Still we keep meeting numerous people every day as being a social animal, we just cannot help our social interactions.

How do we react, how do we behave and how do we converse with them—all these determine many things including what we are and what we want to become. Our interaction with each of them should be measured and customized accordingly. One wrong move and many things in one’s life may go awry. That is why, every time we meet someone, we are always thinking, modifying our reactions and behaviour as per the specifications and requirements of the dyadic relationship we are entering into. Our behaviour is shaped by such factors as our own character, socio-cultural background, education, our prejudices, our priorities and similar factors shape the behaviour of our interlocutors. The people we interact with include our friends, relatives, colleagues, acquaintances and complete strangers.

Any individual, who loves success and desires to be a go-getter in every walk of life, should never alienate others or make enemies. Be always on our guard while dealing with people. As far as possible, be a glib, or if that sounds bad, a sweet-talking man. As the golden saying goes, ‘if we cannot give sweet to someone, at least, we can talk sweetly. After all, it costs nothing.’ Ours is a short sojourn on this blue planet called earth. So, even as the most privileged of God’s creature, we should not hurt anyone. We never know, the man we are offending today may come be of a lot of use in times to come.

During my brief existential expericism, I have often noticed that people simply do not like to hear ‘No’ from anybody. So, if someone asks we for a favour, as far as possible, avoid this ‘nay saying’. Try to be affirmative while responding to a request. I have often noticed that a good number of times our response do not go beyond this or need not go beyond this and this ‘Yes’ word does a world of good to we and to our relationships. Talking about myself, I often get request calls for favour from different people, some known to me, but most of them unknown to me, the latter often being on the fringe of my relationships. I have rarely said ‘No’ to anyone. I take pain to say ‘Yes’ and, in fact, sound very optimistic with my words which appear very encouraging to my interlocutors. The truth is that many of these people, while trying for favour from me, also approach many others many of whom do oblige with positive actions. Also, while trying to approach people for favour, most of such people also try to do their own home work properly as far as possible to get the job done on merit. So, in a good number of cases where we assure of help and say ‘Yes’ to them, the work gets done on its own merit or due to someone who does oblige his/her interlocutor. If possible, try following up on the fate of the work being requested, if we discover that the work is done, send a message across that the work is done and claim the credit. If the work is partially done, then inform accordingly, expressing regret while simultaneously adding that we did our best. In case of work not being done at all, we politely express regret about the same if informed or take trouble to save face by ferreting out the best ansour. If such person calls we some day after a long time, do not forget to ask him about the work, while informing him or her as to how we tried our best. In any case, we lose nothing.

I remember having received a request from a poourful Minister for favouring four candidates at a particular job interview, something I would never do as, myself coming from a humble background, I would never scupper the chances of a meritorious candidate for someone who has a Minister or some other influential to look after. So, in keeping with my principle, I did nothing and allowed to interview to culminate in full fairness. But, I definitely followed the fate those three candidates. Fortuitously, two of those candidates succeeded on their own merit. But I took pain to inform the said Minister that I could ensure the success of two of his candidates, but could not help the other two for the simple reason that they did not have good scores in the written test. The Minister was more than pleased. I also called the two successful candidates to tell them that they must thank the Minister for the favour, in my bid to ensure the gratefulness of such candidates towards me also. I do it deliberately less to seek gratefulness, but more to penalize these students, the penalty being the burden of the fact that they got their job because of someone’s favour, not because of their merit. They must be made to suffer for not believing in themselves and for seeking precedence over others through influence-peddling.

Even though we may not notice, but someone we have offended with our words or actions may take umbrage to it so strongly that he would wait for an opportune moment to strike back. So, like a wily politician, we should be generous with our tongue.

It is quite possible that we may not like a person. Fine. But we need not wear our hatred on our sleeves. Also, we should not try to get even with such people as someone has rightly said, ‘as long as we are trying to get even with someone, we cannot get ahead of him or her.’ Revengefulness is not a human but a satanic attribute, so discard it. As far as possible, try to have some sort of working relationship with everyone.


Try appearing sincere and interested in every person we meet. As far as possible, try remembering people’s name and call them by their name. Everyone loves that. Everyone has some or the other good quality. Find that out. Everyone loves to hear good words about oneself. So, be fulsome in our compliments. And we would win instant approval of that person, simultaneously generating a good fund of goodwill for ourself. But remember one thing, if we can not find anything nice about someone, then better be quiet than saying the truth. Find other way of conveying the same. So, in stead of saying that the ‘red colour does not suit someone, one can definitely say that while red is looking fine but blue would look much better’. There goes the story of a king who had a very bad dream one night, wherein he saw that he had grown very old and all his teeth have fallen’. The next morning, the king summoned two of the very renowned astrologers to interpret his dream. The first astrologer said that ‘the king would die earlier than most of his kins’. The second astrologer was more diplomatic with his words. He said, ‘the relatives of the king would live longer than the king’. While both said the same thing, the second astrologer was more polite with his words and phrased his interpretation positively. So, the first astrologer was sent to the gallows, while the second was handsomely rewarded. We really need to learn to find ways with our words.

And again, try to expand the number of our contacts because in today’s world, these things matter. Know one thing very clearly-everyone is important as a contact. All contacts need to be nurtured. We have to cultivate each of them on sui generic basis i.e. individually.

Our contacts in high places i.e. our acquaintances in high places, know the reason for our interest. Such people should be visited or called at regular intervals. Never ever go to such people with some work in the very first or second meeting. This is not advisable and would show us in poor light. Also, if by quirk of fate or our own merit, we happen to reach a high profile position, we should never forget the people we have known. We never know when our acquaintance with them would come in handy and pay us rich dividends.

Also, we should never forget to market our own self. As far as possible, as and when possible, at every available opportunity, we should present our self as a very useful, resourceful person without appearing or sounding boastful. We should try to be recognized as a person who has a lot of confidence in one’s self and who values one’s self-esteem more than anything else. After all, if we don’t respect our self, why should others respect us?

We should take care that our ego does not overwhelm us beyond a point. One should definitely be a positive egotist. A positive egotist is one who has his spine intact and does not compromise on one’s principles and values in a bid to get ahead. We should definitely have a purpose to make our life meaningful. A life without a purpose is like a rudderless ship which is bound to sink or get shipwrecked. So, we should definitely set ourselves certain life goals and then pursue the same heart and soul. As someone said, ‘Always see the world fit for positive changes because if the world is okay the way it is, then we have no place in it.’

If we notice carefully, then we would find that the world is actually moving with us or moving around us or is actually fixated us. Has any of us ever thought as to why does this happen? Despite the universe being so huge and there being so many characters therein, why is it that the world seem to be fixated on us? Why it is not focused elsewhere? This really needs to be followed very closely. This very fact should make us realize that the God has really assigned each of us a separate role on this world stage and all of us are there to play a particular role. Now, what role do we choose for our self is something that totally depends on us? We wish to play negative or positive role is something that we have to decide. But one thing is clear. We definitely deserve and need to lead a life which is superior to the animal life where life does not go beyond the pleasures of the flesh, including eating, drinking, defecating and procreating. God has endowed the human being with the capacity to think and create and that is why humans have won the existential race and dominate the forces of nature, proving their superiority thereby. But we definitely can do much better than we have done so far.

Looking at the world around us, one does feel that all these sub-human and inhuman expressions and excrudescences of crudities garbed in terrorism, secessionism and religious fundamentalism, are actually a throwback to our the Hobbesian state of nature where the ‘life was nasty, brutish and short’. Otherwise, why is it that the more we are modernizing, the more such reactionary forces are rearing their heads. It is because of the contradictions between the state and the society. Talking of a country like India, where the society is deeply religious, the state has chosen to be secular meaning thereby that secularism is something which has been imposed from above and does not spring from the innards of our society. While attempt should have been to work out a genuine secularism through the dialogues among the different religious communities, we have straightaway imposed secularism, the consequences whereof are there before us to see.

Yes, there is a rider to my exhortation that one should be non-compromising about one’s principles and values. But if we think that some larger good or interest could be served by such a compromise, we should not shrink from doing the same. After all, principles and values are there to make human life better and not otherwise. But this should not be done expediently and one should exercise one’s discretion with a lot of caution.

We should always try to be percipient enough to tell chaff from the grain. As we try to cultivate friends keeping in view their position or resourcefulness, others may also do the same to us keeping our position or resourcefulness in view. So, watch out for the genuine friends and guard against the fake ones. Never forget those who have stood by us in our difficult times and chipped in with all possible help. Such people are true friends and have to be cultivated and cherished like one’s precious possessions. Guard against people who try to play neutral or those who try to be diplomatic in their relationship with us. Just have a sort of working relationship with them and don’t try to mix with them beyond a point, as more often than not such people may prove more dangerous than our outright enemies.

Now to tackle our outright enemies, we have to put ourselves in their shoes and take action accordingly. And then go on to take all those pre-emptive steps we think are necessary to counter the possible enemy steps. If possible, we should send them feelers of our good intentions towards them. Praise them in front of persons we think are close to them and say it in such a manner as if we really mean it. And rest assured that what we thought was communicated in good faith and strict confidence has already reached our enemy ears. Such steps may neutralize the possible harms that our enemy may be contemplating against us. Also, as far as possible, we should try doing good to people we think are worthy of our friendship but whom we have fallen out with because of some misunderstanding. This would send a positive message and win the person over in due course of time. One more thing. We should not vent our anger and frustration against people we dislike. Try being kind and more helpful to them. This would raise our standing in the eyes of our detractors and establish us as a good human being.

Always remember the Biblical saying that we should not do to others what we should not like to be done unto ourselves. Its flip side is equally true i.e. doing things to others as we would have loved to be done unto us. And yes, as and when we oblige people or do someone a favour, do let him know about it. Otherwise, all our efforts would go down the drain. After all, we must get something in return of our favour even if it happens to be a mere goodwill of the people concerned. Also, never appear to be a person with a dual character. If people see us as someone who does not practice what we preach, then no one would take us seriously. We would be seen as a fraudulent person who should be avoided at all cost.

Remember one more thing. Never let our problems, our misunderstandings or our poor relations with someone dictate the relations of our near and dear ones with the person otherwise we would be permanently closing the door on rapprochement. Many people believe that ‘my enemy is your enemy and if you wish to be friends with me, you better sever all your ties with my enemy’, a very wrong approach. It is very much like saying that if ‘if you are not us, you are against us even if you are not exactly or actually siding with the said enemy’. One’s relationship with someone should not be made conditional on his/her relationship with others. If we were to do that, the entire edifice of social superstructure would crumble.

Always be willing to believe something as long as it does not pertain to our interests and if the same happens to be negative things about someone, keep it to ourself. Also, guard against such people who keep bitching about others as they may do the same to us some day. I have seen people who get overly exercised about people who keep bitching about others or keep telling lies about something, even though it does not concern them by any stretch of imagination. Just give them a patient hearing. Hear with one ear to allow to pass the same from the other without allowing it to pass through your mouth unless it happens to be something positive. A man is not only known by one’s companions but is also known by what he says or talks about. So, try understanding or comprehending a person by what he/she talks about and take your own decisions or make your own opinions accordingly.

We should never presume things and never take anything for granted, more so if it pertains to our vital interests. If some work or outcome involves the other person, we should always be extra careful. Always keep following up otherwise the work may never get done. Once you have left the work to some person, howsoever trustworthy, be sure something would go wrong. As the Murphy’s law goes, ‘if you expect a thing to go wrong, be sure that it surely would’.

We should also never ever venture out to do things we have not attempted before or are not conversant about unless we have known all the facts and nuances related to that. It is like going to a big hotel and placing our orders randomly based on the highfalutin items from the menu cards and then being served with such preparations as we would never eat. So, before taking a decision about something we just don’t know, it is always advisable to seek suggestions from those in the better know of things and who we think would advise us rightly. And if we have already committed some mistake, we should always be willing to correct our mistake.

Anger is something which has destroyed many as it takes away our power to think thereby goading us to take such decisions as are suicidal to us. Remember as to how Othelo killed his newly-wed wife Desdemona based on unverified untruths from Ilago, eventually precipitating his own ruin. So, we should try to overpower our temper tantrums otherwise it would overpower us much to our own detriment. Gandhi was right when he said, ‘We should not get angry when we know that we are wrong and the other person is right. And we should have no reason to get angry when we know that we are right while the other person is outright wrong’. So, keeping our cool in adverse situation is the test of our character. Remember, a sailor sails against the tide, not with the tide as the kite flies against the wind, and not with the wind.

While acting in the present, we should always keep an eye fixated towards the future like the mythical Roman God Janus. All the decisions we arrive at should be take with a view to our future goals, our values and principles. Also never let our goal blind us so much as to ignore the larger interests of society. Always give the latter precedence over the former.

Never forget the eternal truth that this human existence is ephemeral and transient.

All the worldly possessions, we keep fighting about and thereby debasing our humanity, are finally to be left behind in this mortal world only. The only thing that survives us and lives forever is our good deed, our good name and fame. What matters most in life is not what we do for ourselves but what we do for others. All the great men we remember is because of what they have done for the others and for the society and not what they did to themselves and their family.


Stepping Stones to Success:
All of us keep dreaming of making it big one day though only some of us are fortunate enough to achieve what we aspire for. And remember fortune always favours the brave. As Eleanor Roosevelt said, ‘The future belongs to them who believe in the beauty of their dreams’. And the best way to make one's dream come true is to wake up and act to realize the same. Even though there are many dream careers to look forward to, but there are only few who are able to complete the journey to the final destination. Many either drop out or fall by the way side in their bid to snatch a place in the sun.

We should always keep in mind one thing. It is not because things are difficult that we don’t dare. It is because we don’t dare that things become difficult. There are many opportunities offering challenging and monetarily rewarding career awaiting us all around us but we should have an eye to identify the same. As someone rightly said, ‘many people don’t recognize the best of opportunities as they are always disguised as hard work and a grueling spell of struggle’. One should, therefore, have all those qualities in oneself that goes into making of a person worthy of an exalted position. When asked by Y as to how X intends to make it big in legal profession keeping in view the fact that legal professions is crowded with people and is replete with cut-throat competition, X calmly replied, ‘Base may be thick and crowded, but there is always room at the top, the place I intend to occupy’. The person went on to become a famous lawyer.

It is always better that one starts early and makes one's career choice right in the morning of one’s life but as they say, it is never too late. What one needs are planning, strong determination, devotion, dedication and hard work. One should plan one's work and then work one's plan.

One thing that is very important when we set about the achievement of any goal is an honest self-appraisal. We should through a thorough introspection, cross-examine ourself and ask ourself as to whether we have all the requisite qualities necessary for the achievement of the life goal that we have set for ourself. Any mistake at this level could prove suicidal and would lead us nowhere. So, we should try to avoid under or overestimation of our self. Underestimation of our potential would not only waste the human resource in us but it would always make us feel dissatisfied and unfulfilled. On the other hand, overestimation would not only keep the success away from us, at the end of the day it would also make us feel completely frustrated and incapable of any attainment. So, we should always be on our guard when we set about the exercise of self-assessment and should never let others take decisions for us. We should take our decisions and fight our own battles. And we should also never forget to do a cost-benefit analysis before we finally take a decision. We should always weigh all the options available before us and then opt for the one we deem most suitable for us.

Yes, if we are ambitious and have the grit and determination to move the mountains, then we can indulge in the luxury of setting a high profile life goal that may not match our inherent qualities. Remember Demosthenes, the great orator of all time, could hardly speak because of his stammering but with his grit and motivation, he would, while putting pebbles in his mouth, practice speaking on the sea coast and later on went on to become what he intended to. So, all we need to do in such a situation is to uplift ourself to meet the demands of our goal. Never forget that the number of those desirous of a coveted place in the sun, exceed by many times but there is only one pot at the end of the rainbow. So, we have to master all those qualities and attributes in such a way as to make us more than worthy to deserve what we have desired. Let me enter one caveat here. We should take care not to put all our eggs in one basket. May be that we have taken utmost care to select our goal and may be that we put in all our effort to realize the same, but it is also possible that things may not turn out the way we thought they would. Therefore, as far as possible keep other options open. And also be ready to take failures in your stride. Fall we would, but we should definitely not stay there. We should get up and move ahead to move up to realize our coveted place in the sun. We should also know that the sun is very hot, so before claiming and settling our place in the sun, we should prepare us and anneal us like the gold in the fire.

There are some common qualities, which are desideratum for success anywhere, and if we have mastered them, sky is the limit for us. They inter alia include a very good command over knowledge of our field, a good penmanship or writing skills, a reasonably good oratorical skill, self confidence, capacity to work hard, honesty in everything we do and a concern for the larger society. The more we can add to our positive qualities, the better. The most important of these positive qualities include a good oratorical skill with equally good knowledge of our field, not to speak of a polite and positive outlook. If we have them all in good or reasonably good measure, believe me sooner or later Lady Luck would be smiling on us and showering the bounties we have desired all along.

So, make good habits and then wait and watch what our habits make of us. We should also learn to change our routine and habits according to the set goal. We should always keep in mind our goal and let our goal goad all our activities. All our actions should, in one or the other way, contribute to the attainment of our goals. If we feel that the atmosphere around us is not conducive to the realization of our goal, then create the necessary atmosphere ourself by befriending those we either share our career goal with or are somehow can make a positive contribution to our endeavors. We should find out the rough edges in our personality and strive hard to smoothen the same. All our activities should revolve around and should be aimed at the achievement of our career goal.

Always remember one thing. In our bid to get to our coveted goal, we should never ever tie ourself up so much as to make our life dull and drab. Life is beautiful and human life is more so. So, even while we go about our preparations for the realization of our dream, we should not stop enjoying life. We should have some time also for fun and frolicking. We should not forget to chill out after a grueling round of hard work. We should try to fit in our fun time and fun things in a way as to assist us in the advancement of our goal. All that is being suggested here is that try to mix and match our goal and fun activities in such a way that it takes us nearer to our goal.

There would always be hurdles and they would be legion but always remember that when the going gets though, the tough gets going. After all, success never goes through short cut. Also, when we are desirous of success, be ready for failures on our way. Don't forget the hoary dictum that failures are the pillars of success. And failures are never getting knocked down, but it is not getting up. After all, no defeat is final until one stops trying.

In difficult moments, behave like a duck. Keep calm and unruffled on the surface, but keep paddling away like crazy underneath.

Smell stays in the hand that gives rose.