Fragile Ego Creates Office Disharmony

                                                                                              *Saumitra Mohan

            Calling names, being a hobby with many, may be easy in India but calling by first name or surname may not be that easy, more so at our workplaces. That is why, we have devised different ingenuous ways to address each other. So, while we may address our office juniors or friends by their first name, we usually address the familiar and unfamiliar contemporaries either by prefixing or suffixing Mr/Ms or Saheb/Jee respectively , e.g. Mr. Singh, Inspector Saheb or Verma Jee. So, while we use ‘Saheb’ against the post, designation or surname, we use the honorific ‘Jee’ against the surnames or relational collective nouns. The prefixes or suffixes vary from region to region.

            However, in a punctilious society like India informed by frozen notions of social stratification, the use of such honorifics could actually be quite tricky, requiring the balancing of a trapeze-artiste. While answering a phone call, we often await the introduction of the caller before deciding on the proper appellation to address him/her. And if one is not sure, one just avoids using any honorific until one figures out the age, relations or seniority of the person.

            Often our bloated ego and resulting cerebral struggle over selection of apposite honorific creates unnecessary complications in our life. The problem gets reinforced when you are from a feudal background or have been brought up on heavy doses of feudal system of hierarchised honour. The socially established behavioural pattern in India incapacitates one from treating a fellow human being as a human, sometimes notwithstanding one’s liberal education. This seems to be a spin off from an obsolete caste system as still prevailing in our society.

            We may boast of establishing world’s oldest republic or we may be the world’s largest democracy, but when it comes to treating or addressing one another, we fight shy of any concept of equality or egalitarianism. Many friends and relatives, separated by status or occupational hierarchy, continue to be divided in mind as they insist on respect appellations even from near relatives. So, if we are supposedly superior in age, wealth, societal status, family relation or official position, we expect respectful appellation to be used while being addressed in India by Indians. Our expectations, however, varies abroad or vis a vis the foreigners.           

            Today, the superiors (in age, status or official position) are usually called by the first name in most of the Western countries or even in the corporate circles in our own country. Be it the President of the USA or the Google CEO, they are all called by first name by their colleagues, howsoever junior they may be. Indians do the same in those countries or in many corporate offices in India itself as long as they are conversing in English.             However, the moment they use their vernacular language including Hindi, they again relapse into the old hoary Indian practice of using specific appellation or honorific suiting one’s position or status.

            In fact, there is an unwritten rule regarding the use of right appellations or titles in interpersonal communication in this country. Status or respect-denoting ‘Sir’ or ‘Aap’ (respectful first person terms for elders in India) is expected to be used by the subordinates or younger relatives. Differentiated expressions of respect as determined by social stratification, thus, divide Indians and situate them at different levels even in course of interpersonal communication.

            In fact, in many services including Indian bureaucracy and uniformed services, the senior officers’ wives are also supposed to be addressed with equal or more respect than their officer husbands. The equalising appellations like ‘Bhabhiji’, as used in day to day communication, is often deemed infra dig and against the expected courtesy like we do against older or same-status neighbourhood relations. Use of such appellations against a superior’s wife is deemed a socially inappropriate behaviour while encouraging use of an appellation like ‘Madam’ or Ma’am.

            Any deviation against the set practice or custom often results in huge ego tussle among the interlocutors, thereby creating an unseemly situation in the office or even in family. Such a situation also points to the feudal character of Indian languages or dialects which have conditioned us such interpersonal malapropism.  The accompanying condescending tone or tenor of the used moniker or appellations is often tell-tale signs of one’s position in the societal pecking order.

            One has noticed another extreme in some regions of the South Indian states where even juniors or subordinates are addressed as ‘Sir’. So, while requesting for a glass of water or a cup of tea from your peon, you ask him, “Sir, would you please bring me a glass of water”. This is quite okay as you not only give respect to the subordinates, but also ensure that the work gets done efficiently as such appellations bring more cachet to his/her lowly positions.

            But in most parts of our country, especially North India, we are hugely afflicted or divided by this insurmountable ego barrier. We generally believe that those down the ladder in hierarchy, even if older in age, could be addressed by first name. While many of us address older staff members or colleagues by using the honorific of ‘Saheb’ or ‘Jee’, many call them by first name with gay abandon, often creating a heart-burn in the addressees in the process of interaction.

            The absence of any official code of conduct surrounding the use of such ‘honorific’ or respectful appellations also makes the situation murkier. One has come across many cases where the whole office ambience has got vitiated because of the disrespectful appellations used against junior colleagues, subordinates or even equals, thereby bringing the allegation of bad behaviour against the officer using the same. The same is a chronic issue with many younger officers holding higher posts.

            In the civil services, one has come across situations where younger officers, belonging to superior civil services, have insisted upon being addressed as ‘Sir’ by officials of subordinate services even when the latter is holding a higher post. Such officers themselves like to address the subordinate service officers and officials by first name even when the latter hold equivalent or superior positions. They do this because of the faster promotional prospects of the superior civil services. Some of the judges, however, are known to find ‘Sir’ infra dig; they instead prefer the more majestic ‘My Lord’ or ‘Your Honour’.

            Many junior but older colleagues don’t like to be addressed by first name and prefer the honorific of ‘Saheb’ or ‘Jee’ as customarily required by social etiquette. The same has often created very piquant situations in interpersonal relations, thereby introducing an unnecessary service rivalry or office intrigues in the whole relational dynamics. Many colleagues have often expressed annoyance at the use of appellations like ‘Bhaiya’, ‘Dada’ (both meaning elder brother) or ‘Boss’ from media-persons or extra-profession persons in course of official interactions. Again, many senior officials are known to dislike being called by first name by the strangers who are familiar with their superior status.

            We ought to be mindful so that our fragile ego does not make us isolated and a social pariah after we lose the social or official status by quirk of fate or passage of time. Respect should be commanded, not demanded as we usually do. While such an ego clash over honorific and appellation is specific to Indian milieu, we must be more respectful of people around us, junior, senior or anyone, allowing such a thing to be decided by an evolving relationship amongst interlocutors.

            It is more than advisable to cultivate a habit of giving respect to anyone and everyone without any discrimination, but definitely to those older than us.  Being a democratic country cherishing egalitarian values of equality among all, we should stop being exercised by such issues. As a liberal, educated citizen of a democratic India, we should be more broadminded to be wasting our precious time over trifles.